Last night I met you for a beer. I was excited because I still have a thing for you and was hoping maybe we could try again, foolish I know but hey I was hopeful.

We trade our stories, what we've been up too, how your sister is, how my job is, it's nice and we both remember each other's past stories so we can reference them.

Then you drop the bomb, you're thinking about dropping grad school, you don't feel like you have the work ethic to do well in the real world, and you don't think you're a good person. My fist thought was "congrats you have seasonal depression" but I don't say it, that wouldn't have helped so I unpack it, one by one, piece by piece.

You want to drop out of grad school because "I don't think it's helping me and it's too specific of a major, I'm limiting myself." You'll always have your engineering degree to fall back on I retort. That's when the real issue rears its head "but what if this isn't my passion, or it doesn't lead me to do that for a living." It might not, it probably won't, most people don't get to do their passion and live well it's hard to do, so you just have to ask yourself, are you ok having a job you're able to tolerate to make money and pursue your passions in your off time? If so just use the degree you have and start now, what do you want to do anyways? "I want to do this super niche thing and everyone in the industry that I've talked too says they wish they had an engineering degree." So go do it now, drop out, take a leave of absence, do something about it but if you don't think this is right for you stop, all you're doing is wasting money.

Next problem you don't have the work ethic, well you're wrong there, you just are. Sure you procrastinate, sure sometimes you just hit the deadline, but you do the job, you spend 40+hrs a week doing your projects so they're correct, you do your group projects and push others too as well. "But other people work harder, or take less breaks, or study the same amount as me and do better." So fucking what? There's always someone smarter than you, or who works harder, or who looks like they never work but you don't see what they're doing behind Facebook. Comparing yourself to someone else is foolish you work hard, get the job done, and get good results that's all that fucking matters.

Finally you don't think you're a good person, and I can't tell you how wrong you are. So what if your mom has devoted her life since she was 14 to helping others. That doesn't make you a bad person because you could be doing that but aren't. Furthermore doing those things doesn't make you a good person, that person there could go home and beat their SO afterwards one act of kindness doesn't make you a good person. You're a positive person, who's smart, funny, thoughtful, you challenge your friends, you try to do the right thing, and you have the moral compass to ask yourself that question.

I've told you, I spend time with you because you're a good person, because honestly I'm not. I've done some vile, heinous shit in my life and whatever happens to me I deserve it, I've driven home drunk more times than I care to count, I used to be cruel to everyone just because I was good enough at my job to get away with it, I've laughed at someone else's pain when they confided in me. I don't like that about myself, knowing that it's not just possible for me to be that person, but rather in the right environment I am that person.

So I crave people who are good, because they force me to stay in line, I spend time with you because if I start fucking off and being a shitty person again you'll stop being my friend and I don't want that.

So while I can say this to you countless times, and I probably will, please just make sure you know that you're 23, you're stressed, and you're comparing yourself to your 63 year old mom, you're a good person,calm down.