I used abhorrent language with you and my behavior was repulsive. I attacked your character and value in the most vile manner. The only person those words I used against you would accurately describe is me.

I spammed you with disgusting, manipulative messages. You told me about losing hair, your family problems, your concern of your job, your potential surgery, and you cried on the phone. You elected to miss a CBA meeting to spend time with me. You came in the rain to spend a night with me. I disrespected the effort you made for me and your willingness to open up with me.

School and work pressures is what I signed up for. I elected to take a main role in fixing my families difficulties. Instead of relying on myself to cope with my difficult period, I expected you to provide a coping outlet, a new crush of mine, without volunteering and without consideration of your needs. I allowed myself to be erratic, nonsensical and illogically distrusting. You had a right to tell me you would have hit me if I said what I said to you to your face. I was wrong. My response was vile. When I snapped out of my personal pity party, I couldn’t eat for a whole day due to the realization of how horrible I was.

I never gave you a real apology at the multiple opportunities you gave me. You apologized to me when I was the problem. You’re not cold, I was self-centered to expect you to open up to me automatically. I will never behave the way I did with you with anyone else. I will bite my tongue off before I dare treat a woman like I treated you.