Lyrics, “On the Radio,” Regina Spektor

I broke up with him on Thursday. My gut said not to. My instincts screamed at me as I did it. Every red alarm was going off in the ethereal parts of me, but...

Logically, he shows signs of eventually being an abuser.

Logically, we’re mismatched sexually. Once in a few months is NOT enough.

Logically, he’s immature and I’m so serious.

Logically, he’s spontaneous and I’m...not.

Logically, he’s unhappy and I’m happy.

Logically, he smokes weed DAILY and I am a straight arrow.

Logically, he lies about his past (like, he’s a former secret marine or sometime).

Logically, I’m driven, going places in my career.

Logically, he hates his job, but won’t do anything to change it.

Logically, I’m a practicing pagan, who honors the earth. He’s an otherkin who hates “those smelly, awful humans” (except me), believes he has winds, believes he can astrally project.

Logically, he’s got the victim mentality and I grew out of that phase.

Logically, I’m growing and he stagnates.

Logically, I can put it out on paper and I see it doesn’t work.

So why do I know that if I told him, “your ‘jokes’ hurt, your beliefs are bizarre, you have a ton of potential, and i know you’re not a former marine badass who jumped out of crashing helicopters,” he’d say, “finally, someone calls me out on my bullshit and I will do things to make this better?” Why do I ache for him?

Why do I wish I could undo breaking his heart? Why do I want to curl into his chest, snuggle him closely, and remind him he’s the world to me?

What is wrong with me?!