I was the assistant director and you were he actor. You were a bit of an outcast so I tried to be friends with you. 2 years my senior and very loud and wild and crazy. Always singing weird songs and quoting dark movies. But you were so nice.

It started when I sent you a funny picture of you from that days rehearsals and we finally got talking. We started flirting and I finally told you- and myself that I didn’t love my boyfriend and that I felt our relationship was falling apart.

We went on a date before rehearsals, we hang out with some other people to, stealing every touch we could. We went for a walk and I took your hand in mine. You kissed my forehead at the traffic lights. But then you said you didn’t like me.

There was a bad night with my boyfriend, we talked about how I couldn’t give him kids (In the far far future since we are both so young), how he wants sex and I don’t like to be touched down there, and how I’d been seeing you. I thought it was over.

I told you all this and I was so upset. “Your single, I’m single” you kissed me and I returned the favour with so much more passion than any other first kiss. It felt like a movie. I went back to your house and stayed till 5am. The next day my boyfriend apologised for getting emotional and so did you.

That was weeks ago and we have now spent a night. Have have similar values of waiting till marriage and I feel so safe and relaxed with you since I don’t have to worry about telling you to stop and that I’m scared.

We have shared our deepest feelings and issues and everything with each other, we care and about each other and enjoy our time together and you tell me so often how good I am for you and how happy I make you and I say the same things. You kiss me and hold me and pat me and talk on the phone to me for hours every night. I am falling for you. I am cheating on a good man that I am not in love with. None of us want to be alone anymore but you don’t fancy me.

You say I tick all your boxes and I’m way above your league. But you felt a spark with me a long time ago and hid it so hard so that you wouldn’t have to face rejection, that now I want to be with you but you can’t find those feelings for me.

We are monsters but in the most caring way possible.