I just need to vent because whenever i try and tell it to her as it is, she never understands or looks at it through my perspective. I hate how i put and give so much effort and attention to her and it doesn't get reciprocated to the same standard. I hate it even more when she claims that i'm always upset, she just doesn't get it...

When she gets upset, i'd do whatever the fuck i can to comfort her and make things right. I'd chase her down, i'd constantly message her things to ease the situation, I'd ask her to come with me to sort things out, i show her love, i do everything right.

Then it comes to her, she does these little things and doesn't realise how much it fucking hurts. Like do some girls not get that guys have feelings too? We feel shit too?

She'd never chase me down, spam me, ask to come with her to fix it. No, what she does do is avoid me when i'm upset, and just tell me i'm dry.

So then i try and match exactly how she behaves with me, I won't chase her up anymore, i won't give her as much attention (or at least i try to), then what do i get in return? A picture where i'm the bad guy.. i get an excuse for everything.

And you know the worst part of this, it's always me that's venting, always me that ends up crying, and she just doesn't realise that after all the bullshit in the past accumulates, i'm bound to hit a breaking point, which i'm at now.

Last night, i was trying to express how i felt, calmly. What do i get? Some bullshit excuse where i get blamed, then she hangs up and sleeps.

Okay, i just exploded through text, even though she wasn't able to see it. I swore my ass off and just literally exploded in frustration.

Then after an hour or so passes, I decide to delete every message i sent, and replaced it with a nice, long message expressing how much i love her and how i just want for things to be right. I figured that this would be better than adding fuel to the fire.

Fast forward 7 hours, she wakes up and apologises and blah blah the usual

So today i decided to see how she would do things if i'm upset. I had enough of always making the first move, always trying to fix the problem even though i was the one that got fucked over. I just decided to ghost and keep to myself the entire day. I just didn't want to talk. She obviously picked up on it but didn't really give much care for it.

Sorry for the rant, it may appear childish, but i wish it wouldn't fuck with my head this bad.