Why the fuck do you try to guilt trip me into feeling bad because I never look for you or i never hit you up even though you’re my fucking dad that’s your job why do you guilt trip me and my sister into sitting in a garage with you on father’s day every year just so we watch you slowly get black out drunk then you say terrible things about my amazing mother when you’re the one who chose alcohol over family.

Why the fuck is it my job to remind you every single year when my birthday is and to remind you about important aspects of my life. Why do you act like you’re some victim when you know that this could’ve been prevented by being with the family that you wanted to start instead of the casino and bar every night.

Why the fuck do you blame my mother for all your problems. Why do you lie to your family in another country about how my mother ruined your life when it was you. Why the fuck man fuck

I love you and I can never hate you and you know this and try to take advantage of it. Why am I afraid to pick up phone calls from you because it reminds me to when I was little and every summer at night I had anxiety attacks because i didn’t want to see you yell at my mother or kick us out the house.

Why were my mom sister and I homeless for two weeks and my mom has to work 3 jobs to keep us in a moldy basement while we sat inside worried you were going to find us

Fuck
FUCK
FUCK WHY DUDE

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD LET YOU GO.

I LOVE YOU AND ILL NEVER BE ABLE TO STOP BUT THATS THE THING

AS MUCH AS I TRY TO REKINDLE AND LOVE YOU TO YOUR FACE AND TRY TO GIVE US A SOMEWHAt stable relationship YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO MESS IT UP SOMEHOW

I TRIED SO HARD

IVE TRIED MY ENTIRE LIFE TO GET YOU TO STOP DRINKING I CANT DO IT

ITS NOT MY FAULT. BUT I KNOW THAT THE DAY YOU PASS AWAY ILL BE GUILTY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE FOR NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH AND IT KILLS ME