It's 3:39 am. I'm waiting for the sleeping medication to kick in and sweating balls on top of my blankets even though I know this house is freezing.

For the past week and a half I've been sick. Started out as just a normal congested nose sore throat headache pain sick, but somehow now in between that and transitioning to a clear nose but a cough, it's ruining my life and I've been feeling incredibly depressed.

During the day I feel drained and I'm so exhausted on a level so bone deep that I can barely keep my eyes open, but every night I can't sleep and I wake up with horrifying nightmares that get worse once I'm awake. I've always had anxiety but I feel like I'm going out of my mind in this dark room trying to lie here really still and tell myself there are no monsters when every single part of me is terrified for no apparent reason. There's no way there's anything here in the dark, so why do I feel like something is watching me and lurking?! I've even been sure not to eat anything sweet or weird before bed. And it still has happened every night, where I'm tossing and turning and slowly losing my grip on sanity.

I'm going back to college in a few weeks and I'm so worried that I'll still be going out of my mind then. I don't know what's happening or why or even how to fix it other than just taking sleeping medication and pretending like I'm still functioning. Everyone is asleep and it's hours until morning.