For so many years, I’ve been guarding myself so much. I’ve put my heart out there to so many. Friends, family, and boyfriends. I’ve gotten hurt so bad. So finally I just put up a front. Ive had this hard outer shell that nobody could get through. Finally, a few days ago I was able to put my heart out there again. I’m so proud of myself but I’m effing terrified. I want to feel loved. I want to be able to love. But I don’t know how. I have so much love to give and it’s kinda like I’ve been storing it up for years, guarding it. I don’t want anyone to hurt it. Someone please just show me how. I desperately just want to be able to open up to someone. I want to be able to have that complete trust in someone that they won’t hurt my heart. Here I am, after so many years of guarding myself I’m ready to love. I just want to feel that love and someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I don’t want to be hurt.

I met someone today and I have no idea how or why. But just something he said ripped that guard I have up. I don’t even know his name. I wish I did. It was so weird, it felt like I had an instant connection with him. I’m probly just making it up in my mind. But here I am bawling my eyes out because I just want to be loved. Why did he have to go do that.