What was once the healthiest relationship I have ever been with has slowly turned horribly toxic since we moved in together. Now our the kids are in the middle of something that they should never have to be a part of.
Posted Oct 20, 2019 21:56 by anonymous
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4 comments
I really have no idea. Things are bad and I don't want them to be. I don't know how to fix them and they keep getting worse. I want things to go back to the way they used to be but we all know that's impossible. I want to go back to when I felt important... Important enough to be heard even when things are already going sideways. I want to go to a place where, no matter how much crap is going on, the love and understanding for each other is more than enough to stop things from getting too stupid. I can't jump up and down and scream "please stop this and love me" any louder.... At this point it's all taken as fighting words. I'm lost and broken. I swore that it wouldn't happen this time... I swore I could be with someone and we would make better choices. I'm exhausted and the person that I was sure was helping me to be a more complete man just stormed out the door. Is it possible to get rid of the bad and keep the good?
TLDR
Things used to be amazing and since moving in with my 36 yr old gf we can't get along to save anything... I'm lost and looking for advice / kind words
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Commented Oct 20, 2019 21:59 by anonymous
most houses have doors, try one, walk through it & don't look back.
Commented Oct 20, 2019 22:34 by anonymous
Ok, yeah, I actually know what you’re going through. And the kids, yeah they’re going to be traumatized by it if you don’t fix this. And by fix, well you may have to fix it on your own, without her. That may be the only option. People are not who you want them to be, they are who they are. They’ve become those people long before you met them. So be careful. I would not get arrested for anything so be smart too. I would videotape the hell out of her. I would be careful how you act around your kids. I know you think everything has gone to shit, but this is just one thing in your life, it is not everything. Remember that. I’m sorry you know, but you can be just fine on your own if you want to be, you are you and that will not change, don’t let your gf change that. I’m sure there is someone else also who is probably going through the same thing you are, maybe you can meet and be happy. Think about it. This will not get better unless you decide that this is not good for you, more importantly not good for you children, and that you must walk away from your gf. Not your kids. Don’t be nice to her. I wouldn’t let my kids live with their mother for anything. Not even visit her. She wants to see them, she better see them with me. Don’t be soft on fuck ups and people who don’t have their lives together. Be positive for yourself. Otherwise you will be stuck and lost like a broken record, and you will end up very very sad and very depressed. Take care buddy.
Commented Feb 13, 2021 01:08 by anonymous
You have to figure out what she wants and decide whether or not you are able to be that person for her.
What are you doing or not doing that has her fighting you? Is she just stressed or is she just done? Is there anything you could be doing differently to de-escalate? Have you tried marriage councilling?
At the very least you should sit her down and be frank. Say "this isn't serving either of us. Something has to change. The most important people here are the children, so we need to be clear that we are doing is best for them." Then you tell each other what you are willing to do to create a better atmosphere for them. Sit her down and be 100% honest because you have nothing left to lose.
Commented Apr 12, 2021 17:14 by anonymous
Have you ever spoken to a counselor about this?