i dont know what to fucking do. i'm never happy anymore. ive fucked everything up and its all my fault. im going literally no where in life and i know that and i cant find it in me to bother to make a change. even when i was i felt like fucking utter shit all the time. i just want to fucking give up. i dont enjoy what i used to anymore and every day is just fucking dull and shit and its like what even is the point in getting up and doing shit if its just going to be the same old same old day in day out? and thats never going to fucking change so really why do i bother? this shit is such a struggle and its all for nothing. i met someone who really did make me happy for the first time in a really really long while and apparently i did her but that was obviously fucking bullshit. i bet i just sound like im crying over a breakup and to be honest i probably am but this just pushes me voer the fuckingg edge. the one time i actually find someone who makes me happy it just goes fucking wrong for me. i just want to be happy but i dont know what to do. ive tried talking to people about it but i cant let myself be honest and open. last tme i didthat i just got fucked over. even here i feel like im trying to hide shit even though this is a throwaway. i wish i could just go back to being a kid and do it all over again. ive fucked everything up and its all my fault. i just want an option or a way out i fele like i have nowhere to turn