My mom always had spine issues, having bore three children and having some not so small breasts, she was always in pain. Meaning we had a plethora of heating pads and massagers on hand at all times. There was one in particular... that vibrated. I’m sure you can tell where this is going. Anyway around the age of 11 I discovered the beauty of a vibrating massager, this particular massager wasn’t one of my moms favorites and she hardly used it, so I ended up casually moving it from the hall closet and into my bedroom, no one noticed. Until one day my dad was looking for it, I always had a messy bedroom and had a bad habit of harboring peoples lost things in there, so of course the first place he looks is my room. He barged in and demanded I give it to him. It was under my bed, I just used it the night before, and didn’t wash it after... I didn’t know what to do and he knew it was in there because the cord was sticking out so I couldn’t lie, I got on the ground and started “looking for it” claiming that it was tangled up in some stuff and I needed to get it out. The whole time trying to figure out how to hang this thing to him that obviously smells like vagina. Conveniently there was a bottle of soap under my bed (I’m not lying when I say my room was a disaster) so I squirted some onto it wiped it around real fast and wiped it off on a mystery material under the bed, all while saying “hold on I almost got it”. At this point I’ve been digging around under my bed for a good five minutes while my dad just stands there getting more and more pissed off. Finally I muster up all my courage and hand it to him, made sure not to make ANY eye contact whatsoever, and quickly told him to get out. I still to this day have a feeling he knew exactly what was going on, thinking about it mortifies me.