I'm gonna relapse. Right now everything is going to shit, and there's something in my head telling me "Remember how satisfying it was? We should do that again." It's my first time really relapsing into it and I'm scared. I'm scared to burden my friends, family, and girlfriend with it. I might just not tell them. I know I shouldn't, and I know the more I vent about this online the more people are going to tell me everything I've already heard a million times before. But I can't do it anymore, it's so hard trying not to fall back into it and I'm not strong enough to keep going. I need this.