Starting off I had a group of friends over the summer. At the same time I had begun developing serious depression. I had a group of friends that over junior year I'd gotten close with but over the summer I'd notice they'd slowly stopped talking with me. They knew I was depressed because i had sent them a few things that showed it. But as he summer moved on, they stopped talking more and more until it was only me. I had noticed that they were hanging out with some other people. This wouldn't have bothered me accept for the fact that these were friends of one of the friends that I'd always hear about, and the others seemed to know way more about them than I did. Eventually it got to the point where they blocked me and haven't talked since. That was detrimental as it spiraled my depression even worse: crying, suicidal thoughts, waking up in the middle of the night, shivering, etc. Then there was another issue: college. I want to head straight to a university however my parents want me to go community and transfer. I've been trying to get credits through things like AP tests and college classes in high school but that doesn't seem to do anything for them. I was accepted into uni but they wouldn't pay the admission fee. That was the day I attempted suicide. As you can tell by the fact that I'm writing this, it didn't work. But that was what pushed them to pay. Yet they are still trying to make me go community. I don't have any money of my own right now because I wasn't able to work last summer due to the previously mentioned incident. Last Wednesday was the deadline for priority housing and I wasn't able to get that payed or still even today I can't get it paid. I've been having to fight the whole year to go: I tried scholarships but didn't get any and I can't get financial aid because of my parent's income. There was only one thing that was keeping me going, and that was my girlfriend. We started dating right around my birthday, but she called it off because she was going to go work for her dad which would have put her miles away from me. Even after, I continued to talk to her because it was the one thing keeping me not depressed. Then over spring break, she goes and works for her dad's business, and it turns out she hated it. So now she is going to the same university that I want to go to. I asked her if she would be opposed to dating in college and she said "yea". Then later she had said something that alluded to another reason for breaking up. When I noticed I told her and she wouldn't speak of what it was. From here she just stopped talking to me and even blocked me after talking to a school counselor. She was the one I cared about most and felt I could be open with and now she's gone. I want her back but now she doesn't feel safe around me. I never wanted any of this. I was planning on going to prom with her because I asked after we broke up and she said yes but then changed her mind later. After she stopped talking to me, everything got way worse. This was at the same time as the college fee and what pushed me to the edge. Now there's graduation coming up and I just keep feeling worried about what's going to happen at the graduation party. I don't feel like I should be here with all this emotional pain. I somehow end up hurting people trying to save myself. If I wasn't alive, it would've been a lot easier on everyone.