I have been in a 5+ year relationship. I have thought about & brought up ending things to my partner before. I have no one in real life I can talk to about this. Our social circle is so intertwined. I can barely vent about normal relationship issues, let alone wanting to get out. So many people I know have such strong opinions about making relationships work no matter what or that if you end things you never loved that person in the first place. I am dreading all these people thinking I have strung my partner along, because not only am I loosing this romantic relationship, but I could loose my social circle too.

In the past when I have brought up cutting ties & how unhappy I was, I was convinced to stay. They've said things about how their life would be over. How they would try more, that we would both communicate more about what we need, things would be different. Things aren't wholly the same, but they are not different enough for me. It's better, but it's not happy.

I'm still the person doing 90% any household responsibilities. The 10% they are responsible for is a toss up of me asking them to do it over & over again until they do it or me finally getting fed up & doing it myself. I don't want to be someone's mother. We have not "dated" each other in a long time. I get a lot of empty promises of places we can go or things we can do. Our bedroom is dead, completely out of sync.

But here I am again, reeling from the idea that I would be ruining their life if I go through with this. Maybe even my own? Where are they going to live? Will they take care of their physical & mental health? Their job is stressful, this won't help.

I don't think they're a bad person. Yeah, sure they've done some shitty things over time and I'm sure the same can be said for me. I think we a compatibility more like friends instead of lovers. Our priorities are not the same. I don't want another vacation where they can't be bothered to put in any effort, but will complain or limit us doing activities outside of the hotel room. I don't want another forgotten birthday. I don't want another dinner where they can't put the phone down & I feel like I'm eating alone. I don't want a relationship barometer of "tell me if it starts getting bad again". There's always a short up-turn followed by gradual decline.

I know he cares for me. I know he wants to keep tying, but I am so hollow from tying & trying. It's like the world is moving around me and I'm standing still. I don't feel like I as an individual person exist sometimes. The "me" that exists is just a relationship caretaker. All the emotional labor with no return. I find myself distancing myself physically & emotionally.

We live together, our lease is up in a couple of months. When do I bring this up? How do I stand my ground for good? How do I deal with everyone being disappointed in me? I just want to crumble in on myself.