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This isn't a story that I've ever talked about openly, before. It's kind of long, but I feel like I need to get it out. Keeping it bottled up inside of me, for as long as I have, makes me feel as though I'm going to go insane or something...

Posted May 22, 2019 03:01 by anonymous
735 views | 5 comments

  • Commented Oct 23, 2019 23:46 by anonymous

    I'm sorry to hear that you lost your friend. I wish there was something I could say that would make the situation easier. Or at least make sense. I'll just say this. What I belive is that even the best among us are capable of doing things in secret that no one close could believe. For the most part humanity is good yet evil is everywhere. Mistakes happen. Bad decisions and regrets can be hard to live with sometimes.

  • Commented May 10, 2020 05:37 by anonymous

    Lindsay he pretty much raped u just as he did me over n over he dosent care about no

  • Commented May 10, 2020 05:44 by Honeybs

    And to top it off u still went back n sucked his dick and he gave me hsv 1 and 2 clamidya 3 times winner winneer

  • Commented Jun 28, 2020 17:37 by anonymous

    You will probably never know for sure what happened.

    Most likely he had non-consensual sex with you. It sounds like he got you drunk and took advantage of you. I don't think that he was as good a friend as you think. I think that he wanted to have a relationship with you and he settled for a friendship because he thought that over time you would become attracted to him.

    As far as what your mother said, please don't hold it against her. She is from a different generation and in her world view, if a woman gets drunk with a man and spends the night, sex is going to be the outcome. And honestly, that is what happens a lot. It's better to not put yourself in that situation, but if it happens and you didn't consent, he is responsible.

    The real question is how do you move on from this. Here's my observation, even though it doesn't match up with the modern thinking on this. If you view that you were raped and let this be a major trauma to you, then it will be a major trauma. If you feel that you were a victim, then it will be much more difficult to overcome. You are entitled to feel that way, because it represents what happened, but if you choose this view then healing will take a lot longer to heal from it.

    You can also view it as just another slice of your life, and a slice of your life from which you have learned and understand the world better. Look at it this way. That night you were drunk and you were throwing up repeatedly. You hadn't planned on throwing up, but it was something that happened. You probably don't feel that you need to join a support group because you threw up that night do you? You probably learned to be a bit more cautious about drinking too much so that you don't throw up. But it wasn't a trauma to you. Also that night, you had unplanned sex of questionable consent. It's something that you didn't plan, but it happened. You can choose to view that in many different ways, and I know that there are many elements to it. You could view that you were raped, and that this was a major trauma. You could seek counseling and join a support group. Or you can choose to view it as a learning experience the way you view the throwing up. It was something that happened and you will learn from it and change your behavior in the future.

    Please note that none of this is said to excuse the guy's behavior. He's a creep. He is responsible for his actions.

    I'm saying all of this to give you an alternative way of looking at it and to allow you to heal faster. This will work for some people and not others.

    I wish you the best of luck in healing.

  • Commented Dec 1, 2020 09:46 by anonymous

    Your friend took advantage of you, and the details of what happened during the night do not matter as much as the basic facts: you woke up in bed with a guy you had told many times you did not feel intimate toward. On the face of it, he all but raped you, and arguably did.

    As a man, I want to say that you, as a woman, and as a human being, deserved so much better. You deserved that he respect you as his friend by paying to get you home safely, and sort out the cash later, because given the history between the two of you, he had no business having you stay the night. Then to get you drunk--I know it is tough when someone is a friend, to see the bad, but--what a cad, and a sad excuse for a man. And I want to say, as a man, that he is unworthy of your friendship, and has more than showed he does not deserve your trust, nor your friendship.

    It can be hard to do but I hope you will leave that connection behind you. And I hope too you will not fall victim to any self-blaming. This was on him. Every bit of it. None of it is on you. There is nothing at all wrong with going out on Cinco de Mayo with a trusted friend and getting drunk and having a blast. A friend should never have to worry that they will be taken advantage of just going out for a nice night out. What is wrong is taking your trusting female friend out for Cinco de Mayo, and when she cannot afford to get home, getting her drunk and having her wake up in your bed the next morning not knowing what happened, and then blaming the situation on her. The wrong is ALL on him, and I hope you find a better kind of person to fill the space left when you leave this guy in your past.

    Like another poster said, your mother is of a different generation. But the essential part of what she is trying to convey is that, how sad, that we live in a world where the status of women is still so unfairly diminished compared to men that women simply cannot assume they are safe--with any man. Sad, but true. It is no fault not to have known this, unless being able to have trust in another person is a fault. I hope you will not let your relationship with her be hurt, as one more damage caused by this guy. Maybe you can help smooth things over with her by expressing your sadness and need for support over having collided with some of the rough and depressing reality she was trying to convey. I believe she will rush to support you.

    There are better people, worthy of your companionship and friendship. I hope you find them and put this guy out of your head.

    P. S. Alcohol is TERRIBLE. I am GAY, for Chrissakes, and once in the Peace Corps, a dear female friend and I came thaaaat close to destroying the friendship one night when we were stuck with only one bed and mosquito net, and had a couple glasses of wine. Thank GOD neither of us acted on the impulses brought on by the alcohol. We both later acknowledged the fucked upness of that situation, tossing and turning for an overly long period in the darkness, both thinking, hmm, is this ... should I ... what does he ... she ... // We both eventually fell asleep, not having either of us acted on impulse, but we both knew it had been in the air and how the alcohol almost caused us to do something outside the wishes of either of us, out of pure drunkenness and loneliness. I don't drink anymore. I think it is the worst drug on the planet.


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