Before I start this I’m sorry for typos or bad grammar

My life is far from good he’ll far from decent or even ok I grew up in the south side of Chicago in a poor family with a alcoholic mother and drug addicted and gang related father who used to beat my mom and leave us I never got the chance to learn what a real family a real father was like we didn’t watch movies or play catch I have 2 memories of my father one is him taking me for a walk to a drug house to sell and the second is of him trying to strangle my mother to death and because of this I now struggle with really bad self diagnosed depression and anxiety and am to afraid to tell anyone in fear they will mock or ridicule me the start of my life is just the beginning I have adhd which makes it very hard to do good in school I have failed most if not all of them and even tho I honestly try the best I can people always feel the need to tell I’m a failure and am going to end my like my father I’ve never rlly had a lot of friends cause I’m socially awkward and do good with people and I thought that nothing could get worse that I have hit the rock bottom of sadness that the numb feeling to all emotions was just going to stay and drowned me the rest of life but of course as all bad things somehow happen to me it got worse see I was walking across the street and woman not paying attention texting and driving hit me dead on going 55 in a 45 bystanders said I went 10 feet high and 25 feet forward across 4 lanes of traffic all the tendents in my arm snapped my shoulder and elbow were completely shattered and I had level 3 head trauma bleeding on the inside of my brain but thru all that pain I survived and even tho people tell I should be lucky I can’t help but feel that living from that was more so a curse than a blessing that if I had died in that accident all the pain and suffering was stop all the worries and problems would just leave my body and for the first time in my life I would be happy content with where I’m at

I just want people to read this and try to help me in the best way they can cause where I’m at now idk what to do