So, I have pretty much been numbing myself for the last 3+ years because life has dealt me a *really* rough hand (I won’t get into it) ...everything seems to hurt and so drinking made it not hurt so badly. I’ve barely been able to string together 2 to 3 weeks sober... Hurt and numbing aside, the drinking really started screwing up my life. So I’ve decided to quit.

I’m only on day 4, but I’m actually serious this time. My skin is crawling, my anxiety is through the roof, all of the hurt I’ve been numbing is coming at me full force. It hurts and it sucks, but I have to face reality. I’m 30 years old for fucks sake.

Tonight I got screwed over by a guy (nothing new, honestly..) and I was just really pissed. I got dressed up and pretty for him and everything and he fucking pussed out. I went out to meet him and wasted about 3 hours of my time altogether. When I gave up and went home I started hyperventilating and almost threw up because I was so upset. I wanted to drink so badly.

It was a test. Something out there wanted to see if I’d break. Well guess what universe, YOU CANT BREAK ME. Not this time.

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.