We broke up in March, her decision. She talked how she needed time by herself to fit into her skin a little more and live freely independent of others. A few months after that/3 weeks ago we got lunch and chatted things out, I was still very confused in her whole thoughts as it all seemed so sudden. Before we broke up we were on a bit of long distance, but were both coming home for the summer as we had planned. Well, i basically sat there choking up on my food in the cafe as she sat there telling me she simply lost interest in me. Every time I think of her I think of everything I’ve done wrong that may have pushed her away, and everything that I lost. She says she wants to stay friends, yet we find ourselves at the same parties, and she can barely hold eye contact with me, and every conversation we have, I initiate.

I need to let her go from my mind. I still miss and love her every day. Her last texts she sent to me were that she still wants to be friends and not leave things on a bad note, but it’s all too painful to just be friends after what we’ve been through together, and my friends and family all said I should just not respond. Here I am a few weeks later trying my hardest not to reach out. If we get together to talk, i’m just going to be a mess. It should be easy, I see her at the parties with another guy and it seems like she’s moved on and is doing well.

I know i’m the shit. There are other girls I can pursue and I know that want me, but my heart still wants her. I even visited an old school friend I was getting with during some of our time off, had an amazing time with her, however I couldn’t help but think of my ex the entire time.

I need to let her go. It makes it all so much harder when we have so many mutual friends, and she’s going to my damn University in the fall now. When we were young we were so naive, and talked about breaking up for college and maybe getting back together once we graduate or something. Still, I want her now, every day, every minute. I want to leave a door open for her but that may make me weak, as she clearly shut hers after saying she lost interest in me to my face.

I know i can cope, I know time heals all, I know everything will be okay soon and the thought of her will pain me less, but hell, it’s exhausting.