I'm about to go into exams and am feeling the pressure. I am avoiding my study and procrastinating, and that's when mum walks in. She doesn't immediately accuse me of not doing what I should have been, like I thought she would. She just pretended not to notice, even though I know she saw that I was on my phone. She asks me how I'm going, and I guess I decided to just vent to her. I speaking to her in a really rude way, snapping at her constantly and telling her to get out. She keeps persisting in trying to get me to show her some of what I'm having trouble with. I'm escalating it, and it gets to the point where I'm yelling at her, and for some reason I decide to be a horrible human being and take out all my frustration on her. I keep saying the worst things I could think of that I knew would make her feel horrible, about how I wanted to stab someone so I could spend the rest of my life in jail and never have to worry about finding a job or graduating college, or how I want to just end everything because I was miserable and hated life. I could see it was hurting her. Usually when I started like that she'd cry, but not this time. Maybe she was used to me running my mouth, I don't know, but despite all this horrible stuff I am deliberately saying to make her feel bad, she hugs me and tells me that everything will be okay. She sits with me for two hours while I try to work through questions from the sample exam, and she'd ask me questions about what I was doing, and tried her best to help and provide suggestions whenever I got stuck even though she didn't understand the content. Then after I answer the questions she says "see? You have nothing to worry about. I know you can do it. And even if you fail, it's not the end of the world, we'll try again next year." Did I mention that, due to my residency circumstances she's paying all my college fees upfront FOR me? Then she goes and peels and apple and cuts it for me. She'd even made sure to buy the specific kind I liked even though she didn't care for them. I'm thinking back, and my negativity is so toxic. I never have anything positive to say, and whenever I talk to her I feel like I'm always complaining about something. In my worst days I blame her for things she has no control over. I've put her through a lot, and despite all this she still treats me so well. My God, I don't deserve this woman. I love you so much mom, thank you. I only hope I can eventually pay you back hundred-fold for all you've done for me.