Honestly this is stupid and makes me feel stupid for posting it, but I really need to "say" it out loud.

Around the age 12 I developed a pretty serious case of social anxiety where I was absolutely terrified of any social interaction (especially talking to the opposite gender, but I suppose my fear of males can't be really blamed on social anxiety). At that time internet was my best friend and I had plenty of online friends I trusted with my life.


Until I entered high school and realized that pretty much everyone is new and I tried to overcome my social anxiety and I did it.
I learnt to read people, I know when my jokes are starting to get a little too annoying, I can see when they want me to get absolutely serious and I recognize what reactions they're expecting from me, but I feel like this made me just completely anxious about communicating via text messages, because I can't see their faces nor hear the tone of their voice.

I stopped talking to most (almost all) of my online friends because I really do feel like they've come to hate me.

Everytime their way of typing slightly changed or when they don't text back it just immediately starts an alarm in my head "you're annoying and they've come to hate you" and honestly even now I'm convinced it's true.