To Austin,

Hi \^\^ I know this letter is very random but I would just like to confess something I've been bottling up inside. Over the last few months, I've gotten a little closer to you :) and I know It's crazy. You kept on messaging me every night, I always ask the reason why but your answer wasn't always straight to the point. You just say, um because you're busy in the morning so I didn't wanna disturb you or something, and I never really pushed you to the edge so I just said "okay". I never really understood why I kept on talking to you and replying to your messages until one day. It was around 11 pm, I just got home from a shoot, I was very tired and wasn't feeling really great, and a message popped up in my notifications.

It said:

"This day must've been a tiring one for you. I don't have any idea about what happened but I know you did a great job so take a rest!"

I really needed that. I was very happy when I read it, I might seem weird for still remembering this, but I really appreciated those words and I couldn't forget it. From then on I think I already developed some feelings. Days passed until we eventually talked to each other through calls. I finally heard your voice and to be honest I really liked It. I thought it was rly cute \^\^

But that wasn't the actual reason why I liked you. I liked you because of your personality, your mind, especially your words, and you're also pretty funny. It really helped me when I wasn't feeling all great, when I was anxious, stressed, worried, or upset. I felt peace. Conversation has always been easy for the both of us so I really had fun talking to you even though we just met online. Also, It's really nice to talk to someone about how your day went, and I'm thankful for that. I appreciate your kindness and your encouraging words.

There was a time when I asked if you can be my friend and you said of course. But that was all an act. I never really considered you as a friend, I don't even know if you also considered me as one, well maybe? I don't know. Sure, at some point maybe there was a friendship between us but I don't know, all that was going on in my mind is that I was talking to you because I liked you, I was doing all those things because I liked you.

There were times where I didn't wanna continue talking to you "everyday" because I thought there was really nothing between us, like just a fling, or a one sided thing, like maybe I was just a convenience or a diversion to you, I thought maybe you didn't feel the same way about me so I just really wasn't being active on our calls and messages. But I couldn't endure you so I erased everything and I acted like everything was okay, but it wasn't.

I'm on my limit that's why I am confessing all these things, I don't wanna act around anymore. I want this off my chest. If I like you, I like you, and that's on period. If you don't feel the same way then it's okay. I don't care if this ruins our friendship (if there really was). I don’t care if you don't talk to me anymore after this. I just wanted to say how I felt.

Now it's too late, I felt like this wasn't really healthy for me. Like I fell in love when I wasn't really ready yet. For now I wanna focus on myself, my success, and my liberty. Because I've concluded that I'm much more happier when I'm giving all of my time to myself without thinking about anyone.

To the first guy I liked, you're really lucky ;) I hope this doesn’t make you feel bad or anything cuz It's fine. Before I wrote this letter I already moved on. I know you only think of me as a friend, there were times where I tested if you liked me but I don't think there was something. If it makes you confused that I went this far by sending a physical letter, the answer is because I value our relationship, whatever it is. Also letters are deeply personal in my opinion. This might be the last time you're going to hear from me \^\^ thanks for everything Austin!

\- K