(TW: SA)

I F 17 at the time lost my virginity to two men who forced themselves on me senior year. It was during senior skip day and everyone would traditionally go to their friends house and drink during the day and miss school.

My friend (let’s call him Mark) always had parties at his house and his parents were always mad cool. As long as no one drove home, we were allowed to sleep over (co-ed) upstairs in this big game room. There was a massive couch and I slept there multiple times with no issues with like 3-10 other people usually crashing there.

On senior skip day, I drank a lot there and passed out on a couch downstairs. I woke up to Mark in my mouth and I was so dazed and confused. I didn’t say no but I didn’t consent and had no idea how I got in this situation in the first place. I like blacked out (not sure if was my mind compartmentalizing or I was still drunk) but I woke up with Mark and his friend touching me. I couldn’t move and I was confused. They took turns with one in me and the other in my mouth until they finished. I fell back asleep and woke up in horror, naked and alone upstairs.

I got dressed and went home and never talked about it again.

My parents don’t know but my mom knows something happened to me senior year and keeps asking because I was traumatized and acted strange for a few months.

Is it wrong that I haven’t been to therapy for it? Do I tell my mom? Will that do more harm than good? Overall I have an amazing life and I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me because I’m not as affected as someone who was SAed should be I guess.

Thanks for listening. I am glad to finally be honest.