It kind of dawned on my as I was sleeping dreaming of people I haven’t seen in what feels like decades that my whole life I’ve been running away from everything nonstop it never changes, and now I’m lost and I’m scared for my future and I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Lately I’ve been really trying to be better to be more optimistic and hopeful and to lend a helping hand where needs be but maybe I don’t deserve to help idk. I just think that my future is aimless and hopeless I really wish I knew what was happening next but I don’t and I’m terrified. I’m so damn scared that sometimes I think killing myself would be easier than living with this feeling and maybe the world would be better off, but I know that’s not true at least a little bit. I just wish I could hope for a better tomorrow.