I've never really felt a complete part of my friend group, I've never felt completely in any friend group for that matter there's always something which I don't do but everyone else does and I notice it. I sit with them at lunch but not *with* them. Occasionally I crack a joke and then go back to just sitting there.

At one point I had 2 really close friends first a guy, then a girl. Long story short, they got together, felt like the guy pushed me to the side for his gf, they broke up, then somehow I ended up getting close with the same girl and tried to do something didn't work and they got back together now, now our friend ship doesn't feel the same. The girl I dunno what it is but it seems like she wants to have a boyfriend and then a platonic male friendship and I've definitely been replaced. We used to hug each other sometimes but now she's hugging the other guy and the most contact we have is a high five from time to time. She was talking about how I never talk to her unless I have a problem with a girl and that's actually true, maybe I should text her sometime just to talk but that's something else.

I just want to be close with her again, feel like there's some place where I feel appreciated. Home's just fucked, my parents are arguing all the time. I used to be much more the jokester but I just aint feeling it now, it doesn't really feel like anyone notices me anymore. Before when I left the group at lunch I'd get asked where I'm going and if I'm alright but now, none of that happens. I feel like I'm over thinking things but I can't help it, it's just the way I think.

Another thing it feels like there are 2 people in my head, one person who's thinking about things in a way that makes sense and the other is just saying things based on emotions and jumping to conclusions faster than I can think. I'm so tired of everything and everyone including myself. I just want to cry as someone gives me a hug and tells me that everything's gonna be alright.