I have severe depression and anxiety and almost everyday I have these thoughts. I have acted upon self harm and have almost tried to end it but decided drowning is probably one of the worst ways to go.

The thing is, I have a boyfriend (of 3 years) that I love so much, but when I’m feeling this way—he can tell. So he will ask what’s wrong and I’ll try to not answer but I always give in and I’ll tell him. Although he’s tried his best to get my mind off of it and help, he says it’s really hard for him to hear it and know I feel this way.

I want to stop telling him when I have these thoughts so it’s not such a burden but I don’t have anyone else to tell. I don’t want to tell my friends or worry my parents. And I only get to see my therapist like 1-2 times a month (ALSO don’t want to get sent to a ward or something) I’ve tried texting a suicide hotline but they don’t reply till the next day. So all of this has just been sitting on my chest for a while.

I feel like I have no one to talk to without being a burden. Me feeling like a burden just adds on to the bad thoughts being a good idea.

I’m not sure if these kinds of posts are allowed but hopefully it’s not taken down. If they are I’ll post somewhere else I guess.