We signed up for Big Brother program and they paired me up with an 11-year-old who was not very communicative and with whom I had virtually nothing in common. He seemed asthmatic and so we could not really do anything sports related together, and he was really withdrawn. For years our default activity was going to the movies together and then getting Mickey D. Occasionally we might play chess. He had no interest in concerts, but once a year I could bring him to the 4th of July fireworks if the timing was right.

He has a younger brother, who also had somebody in the BB program. The little brother complained to mom that his BB was trying to shape his character in a paternal way, and his mom let him drop from the program. While I was not planning on being this kid's dad, the tone was set that I was not going to push this relationship too hard in terms of my expectations.

Years passed, and he turned 18. The program was thrilled that we had kept the relationship for such a long time, and while the program was done with us, I tried to keep in touch. I still did not feel as if we had a close relationship, but at least I was reasonably consistent in his life. I witnessed him change his domicile six times, this last time he was borderline homeless.

I saw him for a meal and a movie around Xmas time, and he contacted me just after the polar vortex (impossibly low temps in the midwest) and asked if he could stay with me for a while. We took him in, and in the first couple of days I took him to an employment center to see if he had a chance of gainful employment, which did not look promising. I know he had always been interested in the military, and determined that he had been told that he would not qualify physically, and so he gave up on the idea. I took him to meet with a recruiter who gave him a practice ASVAB, asked his medical history, and let us know that he could qualify if he set his mind to it.

Since early February, I have been taking him to the YMCA every weekday for a 7 AM start, then leaving him there till 5 PM, and encouraging him to work out, which he has. My partner and I are happy to help him towards this goal, but also we do not want him to be a permanent fixture in our house, whether he pays rent or not. (He does not.) We agreed that win-lose-or-draw, we wanted him out by the end of April, and if he did not qualify by that time, we had done as much as we cared to - we let him know this in mid-March, a six-week warning. We plan to ask his distant relatives to step up in May.

Our young man personifies the adage about leading a horse to water, he does not always demonstrate initiative or even consideration/thoughtfulness, which makes everything a little bit harder for us. It is my sincere hope that the military gives him the life skills he needs, in terms of sociability, keeping his room clean, and getting things done. I also think that his personality is one that needs to be ordered about - you can't just ask him to do stuff, you've got to spell it out and make sure he carries it out, which is exhausting for an an individual to do, but I suspect that the military won't have any issues there.

Anyhow, he passed his BMI test today after two months of 50-hours per week at the gym, and he only needs a passing score on the ASVAB to start the next chapter of his life. We wish him well, but we're ready to push him out of our nest.

TLDR: 19-year-old man-child moved in with us February 1st and has been going to the YMCA daily to qualify for the Army. He just made tape (physical qualification) and is taking the ASVAB later this week. We are happy to help him and thrilled that he's qualified, but looking forward to having our home and our lives back.