I’ve known my friend for four years and we used to not have our shit together and always spent it talking crap, going shopping, eating out, not saving our money, etc. We went through a lot growing up and bonded over that.

Then I really into addressing my physical and mental health and she never did. She made some advances professionally but really didn’t make an effort to better herself otherwise. I really couldn’t connect with or help her anymore as I’ve done a lot of healing.

She had a really tulmultuous relationship with her kid’s dad and a lot of drama in her life. I listened and offered whatever advice I would give her, but she would never incorporate anything we talked about for hours. She would admit that she knew things weren’t right and she had the power to change it but she never made steps to fix her problems. I tried to tell her that certain ways she was treated weren’t okay, she would make excuses.

I told her to consider going to therapy since she had health insurance and coverage, she went once and never again and made excuses as to why she didn’t want to go. But she would constantly call me about how bad her life was and I tried to listen, but it was just really hard listening to someone who had so much potential to fix things but wouldn’t. It was the same thing 80% of the time and very one-sided conversations.

I slowly started distancing myself after she just continued making bad life choices and I really couldn’t deal with hearing about it anymore. She treated these choices like a joke and it really bugged me. There’s only so much I felt capable of dealing with.

She also just didn’t understand what it means to work full-time. I had an internship when I was finishing up my undergrad an I get a text in the middle of the day on Friday what I was doing that following Tuesday and she asked “are you free on Tuesday? We (her and her daughter) want to come visit.” I couldn’t believe I had to explain I work M-F 8am - 5pm at my internship. She went to school online and worked part time but I had told her previously about my busy work weeks and schedule. Time at STEM-based internships are packed during the summer.

When I got into grad school, I told her how insanely busy I was. How I barely had free time. She also messaged me about hanging out in the middle of the week. It’s not that serious to people looking in, but it seems like she has no self awareness about what’s going on in the lives of those around her and that not everyone can just make time for her in the middle of the week. It’s like the dots don’t connect for her.

Her friends were all part-time workers in the service industry at that time or just didn’t work at all so I guess she wasn’t used to someone being different. But it just bugged me she didn’t take my life into consideration despite me telling her and made me feel she wasn’t thinking of me. The fact I had to explain weekends were better for me, yet again, was very strange.

She constantly needed my support and was never really there when I needed her, she made pretty irresponsible choices, and I can’t click with someone like her anymore, especially after I got help and my personal life together. So I just distanced myself because after I tried to step away from the friendship once before she begged and pleaded to keep it alive and how she would do better.

But she’s exhausting. She could be doing better, I could put the energy in, but I don’t have it in me to do it. Life has sucked this past year (thanks grad school) and she hasn’t been a supportive part of it. She didn’t check in for a while, I didn’t feel like reaching out, and it was a huge weight off of my shoulders not having to hear about her weekly shenanigans. And it feels so much better not having her in my life that I have been ignoring her calls, texts, all forms of contact.

I am working with a therapist soon to ID why I do this and I know that this isn’t mature, but I cannot being myself to care. Right now, I’m so glad we aren’t speaking and I care very little if it makes me seem like a bad or immature person. She’s exhausting and this is the first time I’ve felt some sort of peace from her and friends I’ve had like her in the past.

All my current friends are supportive, they listen, and they’re all very give and take. Not soul sucking.