I'm iranian I live near tehran , an architecture student

When I was young I never felt loved if I even was, my father would beat my mother and me pretty hard or they would unite in an unexpected twist and beat me , my mom and dad worked and ate at their jobs and came home and fought over everything, or my mom would go to sleep and my dad would go into his room and not come out ,I just remember being hungry all the time I had disney on satellite tho I sat in front of the TV until I learned what they were saying
Favorite shows:wizards of waverly place and Zac and Cody, hanah Montana

Some years later my mother was diagnosed with Ms she did tests because she fell in a ditch, literally
She got early retirement and divorced my dad and took me to another city in the south
I had no friends there I hid behind the rooftop door or in the mens room playing clash of clans Or reading manga , they also had their own local language and I couldn't speak to them but I could understand them , I was bullied pretty hard I faked kidney pain one time and got 5 days off

At home it was another hell too ,the only thing I liked was a minecraft factions server and skyblock , the server admin actually gave me a for life vip anyway the internet kept running out after a few days and I would ask whoever I could but nothing like 5gb data in a week , we lived at my grandparents house at this stage I would cry at nights , every few nights, I had nothing , my mother had broken down she kept saying her husband was coming to take her back,she threw things at me , wasn't at all caring and cold,the regular abuse but tuned up

I have this aunt that lives in tehran and she is young and they had a click with the other young people in the family, when she visited I would try so hard to get in with them but I was 7 8 years younger
I would show my drawings and I distinctly remember her not looking at them when I flipped through the pages to show her so I just left it and said to look at it when she had time, my mother also had this habit to suck the soul out of a room and humiliate herself because she couldn't have common sense anymore
I even got her treats with the little money I got from my mom hoping I could buy her off kinda

Because I remember when I was a child she used to kiss my eyes , and I thought maybe I could still have her attention, but it was so disheartening to see that they went to so many places and had fun they were sharing photos of a circus and theme park one time , that really stung

When my mother got really toxic I went to live with my dad,he wasn't thrilled,I had two years of peace but I still felt so alone


My dad got remarried she had a son from someone else I'm 21 now you should see how my dad treats him he fixed his monitor he watches movies with him and his newborn son ,his wife makes very mean remarks and hides things there was a food situation where she gave me the lesser cut or didn't leave fruits I had to make a whole fight about it , I don't feel comfortable at the house because our apartment is 2 units the rooftop is ours and I have a chair there I go there when I wake up until they sleep and I have an electric heater there ,also eat my food there

Nothing really good happened during my childhood and now into my adult years these were things that I had to get off my chest
I ate pills once and was taken to the hospital when I was younger I didn't try anything after that

Sometimes I dream for a hug or for someone to put their hands in my hair
My saved messages is my best friend