Tl:dr. Got a picture(hopefully not letter) from my dad in prison after 6 years

I'll skip everything but the major details so this isnt super long.

6 years ago, right before my jr year of high school, I told my mom about abuse that my father had done when to me I was 5 or so.

It ripped apart our family and I was graduating a year early at the time so fitting junior and senior year into one. Busy with school and court and a broken mother and brother who were constantly fighting with my sister-in-law. Needless to say, that was the hardest year of my life. I would even go as far as saying everyone's reactions in the next year were worse on me mentally than the actual abuse was.

I was in therapy at the time, designated by CPS. I was lucky to have the best theripest I've ever known. I stopped after about a year for financial reasons.

Haven't talked to my dad in 6 years, and I don't really have any desire too. I honestly hope that he just has a good rest if his life. He lost his family, his life, everyone who loved him. Everyone. No one else knows this, but I read his suicide note that he wrote before an unsuccessful attempt. That was two days before he turned himself in.

He hasn't caused any problems, hasn't tried to contact me, given my mom power if attorney for their shared assets, and today, he signed the divorce papers for my mom.

A few months ago, my mom was telling me about him in prison and how he had told her he was sorry. Obviously this was a much longer conversation and I'm paraphrasing, but I eventually told her, "You can tell him that he can draw me a picture if he wants." He's an artist so, I figured this may be a good way to communicate.

She came back from the prison today and told me that my mail had already come and she hadn't realized it.

I just got a manila envelope. All I could feel for a second was blood behind my ears. More and more. I haven't opened it yet. I really hope he didn't write/say anything, because what could he say?

I haven't opened it yet. I wonder what he drew. I wonder why he drew it, I wonder if it was hard for him. I just know he's probably going to die in the next 10-20 years, maybe a bit longer, and I wanted something that was mine from him I guess. I dont know.

But holding it in my hands, do I want it? Do I want to open the envelope? What is in there? What did he draw? How am I going to feel? How do I feel now?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

I dont know what to do, I guess just open it.

Maybe.

When she gave it to me, I said I'd open it later. I immediately went to find the letters I get from the state of indiana. They tell me if he is moved from facilities, if there is an adjustment made to his sentence, anything like that.

He gets out August 26th 2023.

He got 20 years in 1013 but in my state they get two days to their sentence for every one good day.

There's so much more I could say on this whole thing, but I don't want this to be too long.

Basically it would be nice to have some advice or something about opening the first piece of mail I've gotten from my dad in 6 years. I have no idea what I feel, but anxiety.