I love this woman to the ends of the Earth. We met in church many years ago and I've loved her ever since. We haven't always talked in the five some years we've known each other and in those times I fell out of religion. More recently we reconnected and decided to put a label on it. I feel so bad, I don't regret anything but I still feel bad.

We had sex, well, about as much as she could handle. From what I felt and what she's told me (I haven't actually seen, it's always been dark), things aren't exactly right down there. I asked her explicitly three times before, during, and after any clothing came off if she wanted to continue because she was the one putting her hands in suggestive places. She said yes all three times.

I love her. I know I'm going to marry her one day. I'm not only thinking of having sex with her. Sure. That's awesome but I'm more in love with everything else about her. It's not a deal breaker but quite frankly as awesome as oral sex is I know I'll always want to have actual intercourse with her but I don't even fit down there and she ends up in pain.

I've mentioned she should see a doctor but since she's still on her parents insurance she would have to say something to them and her parents know I'm not religious anymore and they'll think I'm a dirt bag. Yeah, I'll admit it, I probably am. It's probably my fault we've had as close to sex as she can. But I don't want her to get checked out so we can start banging right away, I want it for when we do get married, I've told her that is my intentions with her.

I've told her explicitly that I won't do anything she doesn't do first. She asked to date me. She kissed me first our first time. She put her hands on my crotch the first time. I don't really wait anymore but she hasn't voiced any concerns about us continuing to get each other off when I ask afterwards. She's still very religious thought. She still goes to church every Sunday and I go with her when she asks and I always listen when she talks about sermons she has listened to and we have some discussions sometimes. She knows why I fell out of the church.

She's not trying to change my mind and im not trying to change hers. I just feel so bad because she said at the start of this when we made it official that she wasn't going to make any exceptions for me which I was legitimately fine with but one thing led to another and now almost every time I've seen her since the first time we had sex we do again. I feel like I've taken advantage of her but I made sure to wait for her decision the first time for everything. I know and have no doubts she loves me and I know she knows I love her but it's just nagging at me in the back of my mind that I'm screwing this up. I feel like I'm taking this harder than her sometimes...