So, i deleted all of my post history because it was a real sh\*th\*le, my last posts were all emotional and dramatic.

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So, i officially live with my father (turkish, agnostic), stepmonster (arab, christian), step bro, step sis. My mother (dutch) died 5 years ago. She died because of skin cancer. My step mom and me never got a long, she is racist, a lot of people have said that people of color cant be racist to white people, i do believe anyone can be racist to anyone. i am not even full white so i never got why she is so racist to me but i think its because of my mother she is like this. She always made fun of how my mother died. The problem is, i always tried to record her but she is careful when she is says things. She always says things like:

\-your hair looks like a 80 year olds hair, blonde is ugly

\-your mother died because of her rotten skin, it probably stank

\-brown are superior, we have a good culture but all you have in europe is sex and being a who\*\*/sl\*\*.

\-your mother is sl\*\*, you will grow up to be a prostitute

\- you are weak because of your skin colour, brown people are healthy

etc etc etc

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I was never able to proof all of this but last night i did proof to my father. But it didnt go as i always imagined.

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let me start from 2 days ago, i had a fight with her and in the mid night i run away, i went to my friends house. Yesterday my father came to my friends house. He told me to come back home. I told him i will but not with you, i went back home alone. I wanted to go back just to have one more chance to proof that i am not the cause of the problems.

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I decided to go back home in the time my father was at work, i knew he will not be home, neither will my step bro. Then before i went in i made sure my face was all red, because i know she will make fun of me, she will think that i was crying and that he was mad at me and shouted at me.

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Well seem like i know her very well because she was like ''what did you get from running away?'' ''look at your tomato face, you look disgusting'' ''did you sleep with your bfs'' ''how many of them'' she even followed me, a typical bully. Thats how she is whenever he isnt around.

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I was recording her the whole time, i think i was lucky or she couldnt hold herself yesterday. maybe she was never expecting i will record her in the state i was because i looked so sad.

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Then, She said ''your father loves us more than you and your dead rotten mother'' ''he trusts us more than you'' ''see, he apologized to me but shouted at you'' he didnt shout at me actually. '' i told her my mother was more beautiful than you can ever get and my father met my mother before her, she will always be first'' ''then she said, your mother was nothing but a rotten milk'' ''what did he like in her? her disgusting skin that gets burned or her white hair that looked like 80 year old woman?'' ''you are lying to yourself dear, your mother couldnt even speak turkish, she knew nothing about your fathers culture, she was pathetic, she did nothing for him''

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Then when she was done, she was really tried lol. i just went in my room, i send the voice record to my father.

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He came back from work, before the time i was expecting, before that she was still running her mouth as she wants. I was in the toilet, i wasnt even trying to sound so insulting, i just wanted to respond to her, ''i screamed saying, if white people were that low/losers you are describing, you wouldnt have been a slave or lived under our mercy'' ok thats disgusting and its not even correct i know, i really do know that but i also knew that will annoy her a bit and i just wanted her to get hurt because she hurts me with her words the whole time,.

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'I didnt know my father was listening and standing in front of the toilet, she knew it because she was looking so shockingly, when i got out he slapped me. he went straight to his room, he took the picture of my mother with him and went out again.

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No one of us still knows where he is.

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I knew my father would react like that, i knew he will put the blame on me and not say anything to her.

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Anyways, i want to move out to Turkey, my grand parents live there, i just want to get away from all this people here. I want to live there, i dont want to live with my father anymore.

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I feel so hated, also they all look similar and have almost the same culture, they are just so close than me.

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btw i sent the voice record to my grand parents too (her in laws). And i just sent it to my uncles/aunts lol.

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I called my father but he isnt picking up.