Hear me out. I'm a private person by nature, and I'm also naturally more pessimistic. Around my family, I often come off as more sarcastic and cold, and my sister jabs at me all the time that I'm "emotionless".

The thing is, I didn't used to be that way--at least I don't think. I guess there are several factors that shaped my personality and my demeanor today, some of those reasons being that I got bullied often in my childhood by classmates and developed depression and later in high school, anxiety.

I guess the only thing I can think of is that I essentially attempt to turn off my emotions as a coping mechanism, because it was what I did to endure the bullying as a kid. When I was younger, the way I saw things was that if I acted tough, unbothered, and was sarcastic, that I wouldn't seem as weak as I felt. Wow, this really sounds like some villain story from a Disney movie or something when I think about it. I swear I'm not a bad person or anything like that, I just come off as more biting and negative all the time to my family.

My mom and sister are both very emotional people and have no problem expressing their emotions, whereas I take after my dad more in the conceal-don't-feel department. My family rags on me all the time for it, my sister says I ruin vacations by being so negative, and I act unbothered but it really does get to me. I don't mean to be so negative and cold all the time--I really, really wish I wasn't. But I grew up learning to cope this way for so long that it's like second nature to me. I wish I could act happy all the time instead of mopey and emotionless.

It's my problem to deal with and try and fix--I realize that, don't get me wrong. But I keep setting out trying to work on myself and try and change and my family holds me to this stereotype and I feel stuck in it. I feel like it defines me and it's all I am and all I'll ever be. I hate myself for being this way and I feel like no one cares about me.