10 years.... and nothing.

It's unexpected - so no, I don't "prepared" for it or anything, and I just. I don't feel anything. There's no fucking sadness, or tears and I'm just so, so angry with myself.

Like. All my family are there - crying crying crying and I don't cry and I don't feel sad and this is weird right? Why am I like this? I just do my shit like normal, and I don't cry. I don't feel sad.

I feel so fucking cruel and heartless. There must be something wrong with me. My mom called me "strong" but I'm not strong, this is... this is abnormal. I want to scream. Why can't I cry? WHY DON'T I FEEL SAD?