I’ll start off by stating the positive, they love each other a lot and I am genuinely happy that he has experienced love like that. But my frustration with him and his partner is their lack of awareness & consideration for our family.

For example, my parents and I (moreso me) planned a family trip to west coast (where I recently relocated to). I’d contact my brother for weeks asking him if he could join and that I’d pay for his flight and accommodations for my family, to which he finally says yes to 2 weeks prior to the trip. And to top it off then tells me his gf is coming too. She’s not horrible to have around or anything, but they’re codependent on each other. They’re attached at the hip. It’s like they’ve morphed into one person. (Makes me sad that my brother doesn’t really have an identity outside of the relationship. I recognize that this is my perception but also as his sister I’ve noted so many changes that led me to say that) one of my biggest issue with this trip also is that they *rarely* offer to help pay for things… like they’ll pretend offer to help then wait for my parents or me to pay.

As expected, it ended up being mostly on me and my parents for 12-14 meals at like $40/person— things add up while on vacation you know. It hurts me to see how little consideration they have for my family. (For reference, my parents don’t have money like that- this was a trip I put a lot of thought, time, and money into because I wanted my family to experience this kind of travel. I’m in a different income bracket thanks to my parents’ sacrifices and I am very thankful for that. And my parents were stoked to have gone on a family trip like this so they were being very flexible with money too. )

To add to this frustration, they came to my parent’s hotel one day because my brother had to work and she has to pay her bills… fine, i understand. But my other brother and I head back to my parents room to pick something up that we need and they had the hotel door safety locked and the bed sheets were tussled— room had just been cleaned and bed done when we left earlier. Look, you’re on our family trip and that’s my parents bed— nothing against them getting it on, only natural, but come on, have some respect.

Then I scheduled a wine tasting at a nice location for my dad’s birthday— my dad being all tipsy on wine asks my brother’s gf what wine she liked so we could all get a bottle. She of course picks the most expensive one on the list… knowing one of us would pay for it. Again, my parents don’t have money like that! My dad is tipsy and I can assure that their finances aren’t that great… but being his macho self he won’t ever admit it. I guess I just can’t understand how she could do that, I would never do that on a trip as a guest. I of course paid for all the wines because it’s my dad’s birthday. Fortunately, you can only carry 2 wine bottles in your check-in bag so that expensive wine bottle is still with me… I’m very tempted to *not* give it to them… they didn’t even follow-up to ask how much they owe me… (I know what I’m considering is very petty and I’m processing and practicing patience on what to best do here in this situation because I’m so disappointed in my brother not being considerate towards my parents finances especially since he added another person to our trip… they should at least cover those expenses.

Then, for the tail end of SF for the trip, they change their departure flight to depart at 5:30am (they were supposed to depart at 7pm) and they stay at my apartment without even asking me if it’s okay and don’t even ask if we can take them to airport… look, he’s my brother and I would take him but it bothers me how they couldn’t ask to stay at my place (my place isn’t big) or ask for a ride at 3:30am!! I just find it to be inconsiderate. And while staying at my apartment she uses my dyson without even asking! (A recent gift my bf gave me for our anniversary) No problem with people using my stuff (sharing is caring) but please ask! Especially if it’s hair-related…

That was a lot I had to get off my chest but I’m just so disappointed in my brother and we’ve been clashing a lot the last year because of that. I have to directly ask what he will cover because if not he and his gf will just take advantage and I just don’t think that’s fair.

I personally don’t know what to do because it hurts me seeing my parents fronting for things and them not offering… she’ll even get her car fixed at my dad’s shop and she doesn’t pay for the parts for her car. Doesn’t even ask and of course my brother’s go-to is “well I told Dad to let me know” but he should take responsibility and be the adult and pay my dad back. My dad isn’t going to invoice us!!

I don’t know if and when my brother will learn to take responsibility but it really frustrates and hurts me seeing how inconsiderate they can be. I just needed to get this off my chest.