My dad was incarcerated most of my life, and my mom dipped out when I was 15, so my kid brother who was 10 at the time were separated, taken in by different people. My dad, brother, and I reconnected about 15 years later, but "reconnected" is a stretch of a term.

I gave them my number so they could call me for whatever. But, the past few years during the small tidbits of conversation I heard from my father, my brother has been in and out of rehab. They lived together, and dad was using his retirement money to pay for their things, where my brother was apparently spending his money on hard drugs, so they were struggling with bills and such. My dad asked me to talk to him to see if I could convince him to at least give him part of his rent money.

Over the years, I tried. But my brother was always changing his number, never answered my calls or texts, nothing. I could never get a hold of him.

So, I come back from our friends gathering for Thanksgiving with my wife and I get a call from an unknown number. Since it's a holiday I assume it's not a telemarketer and someone I actually know, so I answered it. It was my brother. I was so elated to hear from him. He had called to ask why I had called he and Dad's house number. I told him I didn't know how busy I was going to be and had wanted to wish them a good Thanksgiving in advance. He just said, oh, okay, told me he was just having a normal day since Dad was sick, and that he would call me some other time. The call was less than two minutes long, but it really made my night.

...Only for him to text me 10 minutes later asking for money. I felt so shitty. Is that all I'm good for? I told him I don't lend out money, but asked what he needed it for. He said he was trying to "get through the week", but I told him that he lives with Dad and Dad wouldn't let him starve. Finally, he tells me that he needs the money for new shoes for an interview and bus money.

That's when he calls me again. I pick up the phone and tell him that I'm willing to give him $10 for bus money and I'd buy him shoes online to be delivered or he can go pick them up somewhere close, but I wasn't going to give him the money straight up. He asked why, and I told him that Dad said he was struggling with drug addiction, and while I wanted to help, I didn't trust him with the money. He got very pissed off, asking why I did not trust him. I told him that if he would call me and talk to me, Maybe I could have heard his side over the years, but only Dad and I ever talked, so I had more reason to believe him.

He started screaming at me, saying "fuck you, I hate this family, I never get anything and I ask for a simple favor and people get weird", but I'm like.... Dude. We haven't spoken in *fifteen years.* Why would I lend you money? He kept saying that I should "just say that I don't want to help him" since I wouldn't give him the money. I finally told him that I made my offer, and if he didn't like then that was that, and I didn't have more to discuss.

He then went on to tell me he was done with life and started to take his life hostage. If I wasn't going to help him why was it worth living, etc. He hung up. I didn't have the mental capacity to try and call him back. I was crying at that point.

I have so many emotions. I just woke up from bad dreams. I'm scared those will be the last words we said to each other. I'm mad he wouldn't accept my help because it makes it feel like it's his way or the highway, or, he *was* wanting that money for drugs and was trying to screw me over. I'm sad because I feel very helpless and that all he sees me as is a source of income or someone to guilt out of money.

The worst feeling, though, is for a split second, I almost wishes me was dead, because I feel like it would put me out of so much emotional misery and not have to deal with him anymore. He always makes me worry. He only asks me for things. He said he hates me when I never did anything, but maybe that's why. I never did anything... Not that he really gave me a chance.