Commented Aug 21, 2021 01:05 by anonymous

You're letting your issues burden you and you're putting those burdens onto him mentally. Children of dysfunctional families who have felt isolated for a lifetime often times and unknowingly keep themselves there. They won't let themselves feel like anyone understands them who hasn't been through what they've been through. And when they share these issues in common with a sibling or friend who experienced the same thing, that relationship is often negatively impacted because of things such as trust issues.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy. You are comparing yourself and your life to your boyfriends and his life. As long as that is happening it will hold back your life and future with whoever is in it. Your parents never choosing you first and what that entails, if explained well by you which isn't difficult to do as even I, a stranger to you understands what you have been through and the effects it has on you personally and within you relationships, is likely something your boyfriend truly understands.

Understand this, if you and your boyfriend love each other, that is a bright future that you can be a part of. Continuing to compare your family to his and your life to his will keep you feeling this down and broken forever. Your parents did that to you, not your boyfriend. It would be very beneficial to you to find someone such as a therapist to talk to. It's very helpful.

I am living your situation. I am part of this exact relationship. I'm not going to say if I'm the girlfriend or boyfriend. The girlfriend came from a stressful family life lacking love and support though there was some but the parents did not put their children first. They were not in love and still aren't. They have love for each other but it's the furthest thing from soulmate love like the boyfriend saw growing up between his parents. Everything you just described is us. We have been together for over 2 years now. It's almost ended numerous times because of how the girlfriends life experiences caused her to act at times. Anxiety, separation anxiety, loneliness, trust issues, fear of loss, fear of abandonment, extreme uncontrollable anger, physical outbursts, are all things the girlfriend experienced and did. 5 months ago was the last straw and the boyfriend broke the relationship off. No communication for 3 weeks. Boyfriend completely ignoring her. Eventually they talked. She did a lot of thinking. Thinking about the things he always said to her. They were in love but he couldn't keep putting up with what she was doing to herself and doing to him because of the emotional cycle she lived in due to her upbringing and traumatic experiences. She finally began to realize, understand, and believe he understood and wanted to be there for her and wanted her to be there for him. He gave her another chance. She began therapy. Neither of us has ever been happier. Take the opportunity to be a part of a great family. All people deserve this. Some never get it. And just because you didn't have it growing up from your own family doesn't mean you shouldn't have it or can't have it now and in the future.

I believe he understands. Allow yourself to know he can understand even if it wasn't his childhood. Forgive your parents. People are who they are without even realizing what they're doing to others around them unfortunately. Only allow them into your life in a way that you have control of. Otherwise it's likely they will keep making you feel the way they've always felt. People tend to treat people the way they were treated. Let yourself be happy. It can be tough to do but you can do it and do it WITH your boyfriend.

I just want to say again what you are going through has be my/our life. Its our families and our relationship. We had such a rough 2 years and now have been so incredibly happy. The girlfriend has never been happier and is learning what real love is from her boyfriend and his family. There is no comparison anymore. Just inclusion and happiness. Sometimes emotions pop up but we squash the negative ones quick by knowing and talking about understanding each other and that all we want is happiness together.

I'm going to keep this page open on my computer in case you respond. I know I don't know every detail about your situation completely but I've lived it and often times solutions are easier than we'd ever expect.

Lots of love,
Your Parallel Universe (it's kind of blowing my mind I came across your post when I haven't been on here in months and months)