man this is gonna sound pathetic and it is, and i’m well aware that this is the bare minimum, but fuck it im happy and i want to talk about it.

i have body image issues. pretty severe ones actually. it stems from having a pretty terrible family and some other people in my life tormenting me about my looks consistently ever since i was like 6-7 years old. im 18 now. i have moved out recently so i feel a lot better about myself and i am trying to like myself a little more but it’s just an ongoing battle i struggle with every day.

anyways, i was telling him about shit people have said to me that is related to my appearance as of recent. i lost quite a bit of weight and a lot of people don’t like it despite the fact that these are the same people who poked at my weight before i lost it. i was telling him about how it’s getting to me and he said “i really don’t get how they could act like that, you were beautiful before and after but they act like that”.

i didn’t say much but it hit me like a shit ton of bricks. men are so unbelievably mean about how i look. my ex boyfriend insulted my looks constantly. my own dad doesn’t really say much. all i ever wanted was a man to look at me as i am and say that he thought i was genuinely beautiful or pretty or hot or whatever. he did it. he’s the first in a long LONG time. it felt good.

he’s really sweet, and sometimes i think i don’t deserve him. regardless though, i’m so happy he picked me as his first girlfriend. i hope i can make him feel as good as he makes me feel.