I’m completely in love with him but I’m frustrated. We’ve been dating for 3 months but we were friends with benefits for 6 months prior to officially dating. We always had good sex and really love each other. We both had feelings for each other when we were just FWB. It was all ideal. Our friends and families love that we are together and see us as having a good, healthy and stable relationship. They’re just one thing…he doesn’t eat me out…go down on me…nothing. Since we’ve been seeing each other, it’s probably happened less than 6 times.

Yes, we have talked about this. I told him I wasn’t sure if I could be with someone who doesn’t like going down on me. He’s a kind, giving, and loving person…so I don’t understand this. He does have issues with his jaw (lock jaw), and told me that going down on partners was never a big part of his sex life in the past. It hurt my feelings when we last spoke and he mentioned that him and his ex just didn’t really do it. He’s with me now…and he knows how much I enjoy it. The first out of the two times we’ve spoken…he thought I was wining, and being kinda demanding. I immediately felt like shit because I never want to force someone or pressure someone to do something they don’t want or enjoy. I hate that I take it personally…I asked him if I’m clean shaven enough, if I smell, or if it’s the taste. He said he doesn’t have any problems with my vagina, eating out is just something he really doesn’t take pleasure in. It hurt to hear that he said that he used to somewhat enjoy it when he was first having sex. Then it turned into a laborious task. I got pretty emotional and have stayed emotional since then (2 months ago). He told me he would try and had done it once since then. I feel disgusting for even counting.

I very much enjoy pleasing him and giving him head. I still enjoy it despite him not reciprocating. It’s not about him returning the favor…a girl just wants to be eaten out. He does make me orgasm by fingering me. I’ve discussed him using his fingers and toys to supplement him eating me out…but anyway it was once since November (this is January now).

November…It’s gotten pretty bad. I find myself fantasizing about him doing it. Regretfully, I also find myself thinking about past partners (pretty much all of them with a few stand out performers) who really enjoyed it and did a great job. I feel so guilty thinking about this because I truly love my boyfriend and want him as a life partner. I just don’t think I can accept this. So…I spoke to him again a couple of days ago.

I told him about my past sexual trauma. In my past long term relationship…my ex got abusive and would hold eating me out over my head. He wouldn’t eat me out unless I was “good”. The relationship pretty much died off and I resented him so much. I told my boyfriend about this…and told him that our last conversation about the matter really hurt my feelings and made me feel disgusting for asking him. He was shocked that I said that it really is a point of contention in our relationship. I told him that I don’t want to lose him over this. He felt bad, explained that he does love me, he loves my vagina, love my body, and he just seriously doesn’t think about going down on me. He said it “sounds bad but it’s just not part of the routine.” He explained that I don’t have to worry about his jaw hurting, that he will worry about that. He did tell me he would need to be nudged and encouraged to go down on me…so I would need to tell him to do it. It’s a good compromise but gosh…I really wish this man just enjoyed it…I really wish I wouldn’t need to ask. I can’t help but feel like it’s a chore to him…I’m afraid I won’t be able to orgasm.

He’s been a little down lately and not in the mood. He naturally has a lower sex drive than me (I have a stupid high one) so he told me to let him initiate. I am also guilty of having sex with him when I’m not super in the mood…just because I enjoy pleasing him so much. He told me to stop doing that, so that way it’s great for both of us when we do have sex. I like this idea…I’m just sexually frustrated and really kinda resenting him. I just don’t understand why he dislikes it so much…I respect it but I’m not sure I want to be with someone for the rest of my life that doesn’t go down on me. The first time we spoke…he thought I was being dramatic for thinking this but I know I’m not. He expressed going without blowjobs in his past relationships and how he just put up with it but disliked it. I told him that I refuse to put myself through the same…that life is too short and it’s something that makes me feel good and loved.