We’ve been very close friends since 1980. Been through so much. We both struggle with weight and have a deep connection as growing up with body image issues can leave some deep scars. She gets engaged. First marriage. Bride to be is 55 years old. We go dress shopping. Afterwards, I take her to lunch. She tells me “I don’t know how to say this...I’m not having a maid of honor. I just feel like I’m too old for all that fuss, and I just want something small”.

I respond by saying I didn’t expect to be anything more than a guest. I assumed she’d ask her niece. I wanted to help with the wedding as (her parents are deceased) I knew she’d look across the room and think “My mom should be here.” I just wanted to offer support. I then told her that I would, however, like to throw an engagement party for her. She begs off. Says she doesn’t like being the center of attention and would be uncomfortable. Ok. I respect her wishes and let it go.

A few months go by, and the bride to be informs me one of her work friends is “insistent” that she have a shower. The work friend is going to have it at her house. She’d like me to cohost it’s with her at this woman’s home. Um, I’m no one’s Gillian. When I wanted to throw a shower, she said no. Now this woman wants to have one and she can’t tell her no? So, I’m fuming, but say nothing.

Weeks later, the shower invite comes. I was having surgery, and would only be a week post op, so I can’t attend. I look on the registry and see she didn’t register for toasting glasses. I ask if she wants glasses. She tells me she has no idea what she’s doing, yes. I tell her I’ll pick her up, she can spend up to $200, let’s get some glasses. We go out. Have a great time. She mentions some relatives of the groom have complained about the expense of some of her registry items. Her selections were not at all extravagant. We roll our eyes, and I help her pick out some additional items she might want.

We text a few times leading up to the wedding. She apologies for not being able to come see me while I’m recouperating. I get it, she’s busy with work and planning the wedding. In the interim, I check her registry. Buy her all her china and matching serving platter and bowls. In total, I spend about $500, as I consider her family.

Day of the wedding comes. I wonder to my date “I can’t believe she doesn’t have anyone help her with her dress or make up.” I notice I’m sitting at the reception with all the bride’s brothers, so I’m at the family table, which I kind of expected.

So, we’re at the ceremony waiting for her to come out. I hear the woman next to me say something about the maid of honor is her friend from work. What?!? You could have knocked me over. Sure enough, the work friend who insisted she have a shower is the maid of honor. I was so hurt. I felt like such a fool. Honestly, I wanted to leave right then and there. Later on, I ask the niece “Who the heck is this so and so? Bride told me she wasn’t having a maid of honor.” Niece is just as taken back as I am.

I guess why I’m so floored is, why not just tell me straight up? It’s the bride’s day. If she had said from the beginning she was going to have this woman as her maid of honor, I would have understood. But to look me in the eye, tell me she wasn’t having one, didn’t want a shower, and then do exactly the opposite?

Shaking my head.