I can't type much as I have to leave soon and I'm just dealing with so much hurt from all sides that honestly, I'm just numb.

My best friend for the last 10 years, Nancy died last night. Nancy is one of the sweetest, deepest and cute women I've ever met. She's gorgeous and so artistic and smart, but her life has been a real tragedy from young (I won't get into it here, but let's just say she got into Stanford, but her childhood and teen years just ruined her and she never finished college).

She was my closest friend and many many times, she was the one person who showed how much I meant to her.

I'll never forget how she used almost all of her first paycheck to spoil me for my birthday, elaborate vacation getaway, a drop-dead gorgeous cake, meaningful gifts

It's no surprise I wanted my husband who I met 6 years ago (married for 3), to be close to her too. It's odd that he's almost a male version of her. They resemble a lot (which is weird) and often can pass for siblings. They've got very similar personalities too so it's no surprise they bonded easily.



I TRUSTED THEM fully, I never saw sexual chemistry between them. Honestly, they always seem to have a sibling-like friendship.

Last year, I had to travel for work for 6 weeks and I suggested my husband and her hangout without me if they got lonely.

THAT WAS NOT ENDORSING A FUCKING AFFAIR which they ended up having.

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I woke this morning to see 9 missed calls and dozens of texts. None said she passed, but I knew it was very serious. They were from my other friend and a guy who was dating Nancy saying she crashed into a lamp pole coming home. How she was upset and drunk at Paul (her boyfriend).

I was shocked, didn't even tell or wake my husband, I called Paul who answered and was in tears so I sort of immediately suspected they worse, which i was not ready for.

I can't type this without crying, I will never forget those words he said: "she's gone, she's not coming back". I dropped my phone and sort of fainted.

I then started to scream in agony. HOW? Nance was soooo smart, so beautiful, just a wonderful and special person. HOW?

Then my husband immediately came rushing to me and I told him.

He immediately looked so distraught and took his cell phone and flung it away saying, "Fuck it's my fault, fuck" and he broke down worse than me.



I kept asking him how is it your fault? He kept crying and avoided the question. After 30 mins or so, he calmed down.

He said, I will get mad, I will want to divorce but he has to come clean otherwise he can't live with himself.

He said, last night Nancy and he had an argument. I don't know the specifics, but Nancy told him she couldn't be with Paul because she had feelings for him and Paul suspected it. He said, since I was home, he couldn't talk to her properly, but he was texting her a lot (i do remember him frequently going to the bathroom every so often).

Apparently, Nancy wanted to come over by us and confess everything, even to me. He told her absolutely not to do that. Which led to her being abandoned by Paul and my husband.

Their last text he said was him telling her to stay at the party with Paul, instead, she took Paul's car, left and drove for 30 mins before crashing into a lamp pole and dying hours later.



I don't know what to feel. I don't know if to be mad at Nancy (I can't right now), or my husband.

I know this is messy and new. I will update you guys once things calm down.



But I'm distraught and I don't know how to feel, I need someone to tell me, or advise me on how to move on.

I loved Nancy as much as my husband and knowing she was the one who wanted to tell the truth, it helps. But also, knowing she's been lying for so long.

Also, my husband is a great guy, he said he was over Nancy, but she wasn't. In my heart, I'm thinking why the fuck did you have to hurt her so badly? She was delicate and needed someone to love her fully.



TLDR;

My (31F) best friend (29F) died in a car crash last night:( My husband (32M) was broken up about it, and so much so, he confessed they had an intense affair last year, they were both in love, but realized it was too complicated. So confused on how to feel