i’m in my 3rd year of college and my life has gone to shit, it could be worse obviously but things aren’t really looking up. i lost my job in november and lost 2 friends about a week after that. i fell into the worst depressive episode of my life that literally lasted months. i’m back on antidepressants, i’m trying harder in school, i applied to a bunch of jobs, and i reach out to the few friends i do have and try to see them often but i still seriously do not feel okay. like i know recovery takes a while and it’s definitely not a straight line but i’m seriously so tired. i feel like i’m trying so hard but it’s not working out and i’m just so desperate to start living a good life again. i haven’t been able to find a job no matter how hard i try and at this point i’m desperate enough to try sex work since my parents don’t help me out but i know money (or lack there of) is only a small piece of the issue at hand. i just wish i knew how to make myself feel better about anything
people have told me to try hobbies and it’s not that i don’t have any but they really don’t feel the same to me anymore. i was into photography but i feel like i’ve photographed everything. i like reading but feel like nothing is interesting anymore and can’t seem to finish this book i’ve been reading since october. i like writing but the words don’t come out the way they used to. i even know how to fucking knit but every time i make a stuffed animal i just get angry it’s like nothing really brings me joy anymore. i don’t want to die but i honestly wouldn’t be mad if it happened