I moved here with him mid-July and right from the get go things took kind of a negative turn. I was a virgin before him and he has had sex so roughly with me almost everytime. I try to ask for foreplay but he refuses oral (and expects it himself) and his idea of foreplay is apparently fingering me for about 30 seconds or not at all. He’s lied about condom expiration dates. I’ve been late on my period twice and so worried sick and when I’ve tried to speak to him about it he gets snappy and blames my OCD and says I’ll always find something. I try to tell him it was a genuine concern and he said “well, it’s your problem anyways.” He is always correcting me about minor things and can’t let anything drop, from random facts to politics to the quickest route to take to the store. All childish things.

He also critiques me a lot about things I’m sensitive about. I lost 100 pounds 3 years ago and so I have loose skin and small breasts. He asks if I’d get breast implants. He also criticized me about my loose skin and said I should go running to fix it. (It doesn’t even work like that. If anything lifting WEIGHTS helps a bit but only so much, there’s some loose skin that only surgery would fix.) We also get in fights about politics. I try to find a middle ground and agree to disagree but he gets so angry so fast and refuses to let me have my opinion. The latest fight was right after him critiquing my loose skin and randomly switching to talking about the proposed border wall in the US (I’m a US citizen and he is not, he’s Swedish) and how I’m against it and not to mention it’s a waste of money. (Not to start any political fights here, it’s just my opinion.) he flew off the handle and started ranting about the Muslim immigrants here in Sweden and insisted that he knew better than me about this issue. In his defense I shouldn’t have gotten mad back but I did and said I’ve lived among Mexican immigrants, illegal and legal, (I’m Floridian) and so while I’m sure some commit crimes I’ve know TONS of hard-working ones who often work for low pay and hard conditions so I really sympathize. He then kept insisting they’re the ones committing crimes and I argued that our own citizens commit crimes too and I’d wager a huge chunk of illegal immigrants are keeping to themselves to try and fly under the radar as to go unnoticed by the system. So it wouldn’t make sense for them all to be criminals, which is a stupid mass generalization to begin with. He then switches back to being critical of me pressuring me to run with him and in a threatening tone saying I better try not to run for a short time basically. Things just devolved from there and blah blah we fought more and he said I was rude after I said he didn’t know what true crime was (switching back to talk about the border and illegal immigrants.) I obviously didn’t behave perfectly either but I’m so sick of him not just letting things drop and us having differing opinions.

When we argue he constantly tries to use pseudoscience-type psychology on me and saying I’m projecting (a huge favorite of his) and denying things he’s said. It really feels like gaslighting.

I’m just depressed and tired. I have an medical exam Thursday because I think he might have honestly given me a prolapse or something from the rough sex, which is embarrassing in itself. I’m ashamed at myself for constantly letting myself forgive him and going back to him. I just can’t wait to go home, which will be soon, and break up with him for good where I know he’ll have a harder time drawing me back in.