Im just 16. I cant stop crying because and have no place else to go now. My mom died from covid two days before Christmas. She was 44 and had been in the hospital since thanksgiving, on a vent. They evicted us from her apartment day before New Years when nobody was home, just threw everything out on the street. I was trying to talk to the hospital about burial and they said they handle it. No funeral. I only got the keys to the car from my moms purse because I had grabbed it before they wheeled her body away. I dont have a dad. I mean I dont know him and never met him. My moms older sister lives in California but its like 2,000 miles away and locked down and Im afraid I dont have enough gas to get there...Im fucked and alone - I have no friends at this stupid school she sent me to after we moved here a year ago and I dont know anybody

This car and the crap it in is all I have now. I didnt even get many clothes, because they threw everything out. I have a jacket, a sweater a hoodie, a tshirt a pair of jeans a pair of yoga pants , a pair of running shoes and a pair of ankle boots and thats literally all the clothes I have, no socks or underwear and no bra. I had rushed to the hospital in the night wearing the hoodie and yoga pants and running shoes because i was in a hurry to say good bye and I still missed her.

I have groceries like canned soup and ramen and bottled water, in the back and thats what Ive been living off of mostly the last few weeks. I found some food in the dumpster at the Chic Fila and at the Wal-Mart dumpster I found a blanket I use to sleep with and an old gym bag with some old shampoo and soap, a brush, etc. I also found a car with a trunk open full of cartons of cigarettes. 24 cartons in all. nobody was around and it was dark so I took them and hid them in my trunk. I had always hated cigarettes because my mom smoked all the time, she had worked at a bar her whole life and was a chain smoker, the bar she had worked at starting last year when we moved here had a smokers patio that was covered and that was her area. She always smelled like an ashtray. I hated it but now, nothing to do all day, I just started smoking. Its stupid but its something to do. I cant go back to school like this, so I just stopped going. Nobody paid the phone bill in December so now my phone is dead. I have an old ipad, like 9 years old i think, but it still works, so I use the wifi from the Starbucks parkinglot. I got about $226 in cash from my moms purse and thats all she had left. There was a credit card Ive used for gas and a few gift cards to different places people had left for her as tips. Bastards.

My mom got covid at work. Waiting tables at bars and serving people who refused to wear masks. She didnt want to wear a mask either. They made us wear masks in school but she wouldnt wear one at work because she was afraid it would hurt her tips. Then she got sick after a big Halloween party at the bar. I begged her not to go. Now shes dead and Im all alone and I fucking hate this world. I hate everything. I am alone and I just want to die but Im too scared to do anything about it. SO I guess this is it