I don't even know if this is the right place to post this but I just need to get this out. I am so tired of life. Life seems so pointless. It's an endless race to pay off debt and survive except it's a race I feel like I am losing every single day. I am so tired of constantly treading water and only ever being able to keep my head just above water in every facet of life. I am only in my 30s and I feel like what's the point of this? My husband and I moved out of a large city to be able to afford a house. We moved 5 hours away from family and friends so we could afford to live. Like what??? That's insane to me when I think about it. And yet we continue to struggle. He makes good money and I don't really since I had to resign from a well paying job in the big city. I am unable to find a good paying job where we've been living now because it doesn't exist and been stuck at the same job for 2 years. It's so pathetic that my personal income is just below the poverty line. I have higher education and so many years of experience in my industry. It's absolutely pathetic that I am making so little. My husband and I don't do anything. We don't go to restaurants, we don't vacation, we sit at home and do NOTHING because we try to live frugally to get ahead and to save for our child's education and yet we still continue to live paycheck to paycheck. We make our lunches every day, we bring coffee from home. The only money we spend is on Netflix, on one gym membership and on activities for our toddler. And we only do one activity per semester for her, never two at once.

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But this isn't even about the money. It's the waking up every morning to go through the exact same routine every single darn day with no end in sight and no point. And every weekend it's the same old routine, too. What is the point of this? We are hamsters in a wheel with no point in life other than to make money to survive.

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We can't afford to save for retirement because we're putting away any "extra" money for my child's education fund. And I say extra because there is no extra. That is laughable. But what is the point of saving for education? I have good education and I am making nothing. My husband wants another child and I do, too but I refuse to bring another kid into this decrepit world. And then I think that I've already had a kid. How selfish of me. I would never in a million years regret having my daughter because she is the LIGHT of my life but now she's going to be alone when we die. And she's going to have to face this horrible, gray world by herself. And the guilt I feel about this consumes me every day.

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I don't see the point of life. Why are we here? To wake every day and live the exact same routine, to struggle, to watch the 1% live luxuriously and many of them commit crimes and get away with it, to watch ourselves destroy our planet, destroy the animal population, destroy other cultures and races and for what? I just don't see the point. I cannot fathom doing this for another 30-40-50 years. It pains me to think I have to keep pretending to be happy, to care, to smile at people as if this thing called life is a blessing. When I come across comments online about how we should be happy we have another day to live and how it's a blessing it makes me want to vomit. What is a blessing about this? Working jobs we hate, commuting in cars we can't afford, to live in houses owned by the bank, to make money that we give away immediately to lenders or services so we can go to sleep and do it all again. It just seems pointless.