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CONFESS ANONYMOUSLY

Late night thoughts of us

Posted Oct 3, 2019 05:02 by anonymous
203 views | 1 comments

  • Commented Oct 3, 2019 08:35 by anonymous

    They're were no glasses. I knew everything all along. Even the gross stuff you did with someone unspeakable. I knew. Its just that non of that would change what i knew was my one true love. You've said i stopped caring but look at the timing. Think of everything you put me throuh to get to where i was. I didn't just stol being happy, you went out of your way to break me them abandoned me once i was broken. I was doing everything i could do for us and you were doing what ever with whoever amd then treating me like garbage for trying to fix it and talk it through. And i never cheated with my ex. I did text when you left because i need emotional support from anyone and everyone was gone. I fucked a girl from the gas station one time like 2 montbs before you left after you had been doing morally despicable things for our entire relationship. Things i tryed to bring up but you would get defensive and therein to leave cause i wasnt trusting you. I wont tell people everyrhung you've done because some of it is just to fucked up to say. There are things that you are unaware of me knowing but i know, and i knew back then so no o dont bad mouth you. If i wanted to i could reviel the worst secrets you have that would trump the strange fling you had with that bald 60 year old who asked you for head while i was trying to spend the day with. And knowing all that you were doing made me call to much but you thought i didnt know so you used it as an opportunity to be mad at me. Everything you did for that whole time and you still treated me like a bad bf for just wanting you to stop. Calling you so maybe if you were about to cheat some how me talking to your boyfriend would remind you that you loved me and cheating is wrong. Bur nope, just a nother excuse for you to openly treat me like you hate me. Yoj can tell people what ever you want about me. You can justify how you treated me however you want and i knowi wasnt perfect. Far from it. But think about what you were doing behind my back when i stopped caring for myself, started getting angry and letting myself go. Things changed right around the time you addmited to that something really bad happened at the newyeats party but i already knew that wasnt the first time. You just could admit because you looked more like a victim than when your just had been doing thinga similar to that since about 2 months in. And You just did worse and worse stuff with other people and backing me into a corner where there was no way out. I couldnt talk to you about anything that actually mattered because i didnt matter to you. You didnt want to fix it, you just wanted to keep doing what you were until i got to much in the way and then you dropped me like i meant nothing to you. Like hadent just spent the last 2 years trying to figure out how to keep you happy happy while you treated me like a joke, like i was truly worthless. Youve talked openly in forms aboit thinking about cheating other men so you could kiss me, and thinking of that fucking gross old man you went down as we made love. And like ive said that is not the worst of it but some things are truly unspeakable. And then i stopped being able to get as excited for you and you made me feel like less of a man for it when in reality the things that you thouht were behind my back were all in my face and it was disgusting to have to think about and it made feel ashamed of myself forbeing in love with someone who treated me like she down right hates me. All thewhile you said i was the emotional abusers... You are the most emotionally abusive person ive ever had a relationship with. You used me to feel better about yourself as you looled for new flings whith guys who could care fucking less about you aside from someone to have sex with and would do god only knows what if you treated them like you treated me. They would certanly call you names to everyone but most people i talk to dont even know you cheated aside from my verh best frind amd he just barly knows the surfice of what being in a realationship is with you because i have some class and i respect for you even though its clear you sont respect me or yourself. You do things that literallt anyone would think less of you for and then act like i was giving seld esteme problems and tell people i wasnt a good bf for it. Like im a bad boufriend cause you put out to anyone who wants it. You lied and said yoi didnt belive in sex without love at the start of our relationship witch fucked me up cause we had sex early but the whole time all i could think is this isnt just sex, its making love, then you went on to have more casual sex then any other girl ive ever been with. Like what was the point od telling me that? You were manipulating me from day one. You would find back handed ways to hurt me, tell me storys aboit the other men in your life but act like it was from the past cause you think im to dumb to put 2 and 2 together. and jokingly sing a song about being the bad guy while you were in the middle of doing awful thing to me, like i was just one big joke. And i just took it all in stride because i knew you were better than the worse parts of you and someday we would figure the cheating thing out but nope, i dont get that chance, i was never worth giving a real shot to in your eyes. I do not know how to recover from this. I tried and tried and you treated me like trash for it. Nothing is getting better for me. I'm sure you can figure a way to make living with yourself easier but im really at the point where i cant live with these thouhts anymore. I'm doimg the worst 2 drugs you can think of because i dont want to live with the love i still hold for you. I cant live with myself being in love with you anymore. You have no idea what you've done to me, maybe once im gone you can start really comprehending the weight of your actions because i am a ruind humam being. There isnt going to be a someone else. Im not going to be around long enough for that. The drugs im doing are going to kill me, soon. Please do not start to act like yoi care now because you spent our entire relationship not giving a damn about anyone but yourself and then acted likei was the worst boyfriend when started to care less. To the point that i blamed myself and forced myself to care even more becausw you made me feel like i was the problem. Lile i was makimg yoi actout the way you were when you were just a person who didnt mind hurting me. You never ever cared about my feeling please do not pretend to now. I will love you until the day i die alone and unwanted... All i ever did was try to love you. This may aswell be my suicide note. You ruined love for me and having a wife and child has been my dream of mine ever since i was kid. More than music, more than a milliom dollars, i just wanted to havemy own nice family. I haven't played a game since you left, i havnt touched my guitat or sang since you left. I sat around doing nothing for a week doing nothing but thinkinf or working. Now i sit in my room all day witb the tv off and smoke meth, go to work and smoke meth, and look forsome one i can buy herion off and smoke meth. You took everything from me and treated me worse than ive ever been treated.
    I dont want love ever again, i dont want to marry anyone, i dont care if i would make a good dad because its never going to happen. I'm never going to give someone the opportunity again. I'd rather die. Im going to shoot up untill i can no longer remember any of the other men she thought were so much better than me. Go have anotber pointless fling. We could have really been something special, all you had to do was be nice to me and i sware i was going to jave gotten you all the things uou wanted, all your corky little dreama, i wantwd them all to come true because you are the most important person will ever be in my life. Then you left and said you couldnt do thjs anymore and sorry for letting it drag out. Some of the most special times in my life happened and you considered it a drag. I wish i was good enogh to be taken seriously as a partnrr but its clear im pretty worthless to others and they just like me being around. So i should just go away forever. I love you more than anyone will ever know

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