My aunt has lung cancer. She was diagnosed four years ago when I was in high school. It has come and gone through these years. I found out yesterday she was in the hospital over the weekend. She has been in so much pain she couldn’t leave the hospital until it was manageable and the cancer has spread. Now it’s spread before and gone into remission so I thought that was what might happen again. It’s not. It’s spread almost everywhere. I don’t feel like I really have anyone to talk about with something so serious anymore. A part of me is terrified because I know we are going to lose her and another part of me is blocking it out and not wanting to except it. One minute I’ll be crying or on the verge of tears and another I’m perfectly fine. When I first was told she was diagnosed I had nightmares about her death and funeral. Now I haven’t been sleeping because I’m terrified I’ll have them again. It’s 4am right now for me. I already haven’t been sleeping well for the last week or so already. And I’m terrified. And if I’m terrified I can’t even imagine what my aunt is going through.