I’ve experienced the worst of anxiety and depression, and I’ve suffered with horrible imposter syndrome, derealisation and depersonalisation. It’s even lead to other problems that I was able to recover from much easier, like an eating disorder.

But now, it feels like it’s stopped. I don’t feel empty anymore. I don’t hate myself anymore. I don’t want to die anymore. I haven’t had a panic attack in a couple of weeks. My life isn’t a constant battle with no end, I don’t have to push myself just to get out of bed.

I actually feel happy.

But I don’t know what to do. My entire life has been dominated by so much pain that now that it’s gone I’ve forgotten how to live without it. There’s no voice telling me I’m worthless, or that I shouldn’t live. There’s no sense of emptiness and existential futility. My impulses aren’t just telling me to run and hide since I can’t handle it anymore.

This is so strange... I honestly don’t know how to live anymore.