I've been having suicidal thoughts more recently since I've moved to university.
Posted Oct 5, 2019 23:28 by anonymous
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1 comments
I (20 M) do not know how to make friends. I've had the same group of friends since middle school and the group is starting to fade away. We still keep in contact, but they are getting married, moving 100s of miles away, and making new friends. It's only a matter of time before I don't see them all for probably years at a time, unlike now where it's just months.
I've never had gf either. I'm a 4/10, overweight with a receding hairline, only occasionally funny, only somewhat smart guy. I'm a nobody. I don't know where to start. I feel absolutely worthless. My friend tells me to just talk to them, but I can never seem to find a time or place to. Even the few times I do, I don't know what to say. In past years when I tried they gave me the cold shoulder. Even when they pass by me they don't look at me with anything other than indifference or disgust. I know I'm not misinterpreting their looks either, because I've seen how they're faces light up to other guys.
I feel like college is the last time I can really learn how to court. I don't want to be 30 and a kissless virgin. That's too much for me to take. I want to find a wife, have kids, and be content. Maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I truly do not deserve anyone.
I may sound pathetic but I don't care anymore. I just want it to be over with. Enough of working toward an empty life. I feel like I should hang myself while my roommates are gone. Call emergency services just before so I can spare my roommates the shock of finding me.
Commented Oct 5, 2019 23:34 by anonymous
I don’t have enough experience to help much. But please find this honest, humble book and read it so you can steal some ideas from it. “How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention” by Susan Rose Blauner. Amazon.com has it in stock.
Get thee a new ambition -- wisdom. Here are two wonderful books that really helped me. “Iron John” by Robert Bly and “Games People Play” by Eric Berne. If you have further questions, write me at Occupant, 408 N 17th St, Hot Springs SD 57747.