Every father's day since our son was born I've made a fuss. I get my husband a few inexpensive gifts, we hand make something with crafts, I buy a card and get my son to write and draw in it. We give dad a lie in and tell him how we love and appreciate him. We wish him "happy father's day!" And all this happens without anyone having to remind me. .



Every mother's day I get nothing. School arranges for my son to make a card and my husband feels this is sufficient.



I don't need a lot of money spending on me, I know my husband works hard all year to support us and as he is the main income earner it's a lot of stress for him. I'm just as happy with a £1 chocolate bar or a hand made picture he got my son to make, a card with some doodles in, and him nudging our child to say "Happy Mother's day!". If I got a novelty "greatest mum" keyring or a lie in or a hand made token for a cup of tea at a time of my choosing that would be the icing on the cake. None of this happens.



My husband is a good man in many, many ways, I really love him and I believe he loves me. He performs many acts of service for our family like driving us places and emptying the bins etc. I do feel his love in his actions most of the time. He is loyal and I see how hard he works and make sure to thank him for little things like driving us places and mowing the lawn.



But fuck, I feel so disappointed every mother's day that he doesn't take the time and effort to make me feel loved. I'm a fucking good mum. Then I feel guilty for making him feel guilty because I love him.


It hurts so much to see the stuff in the shops and know it will never be for me. To feel less than worth it. I don't need taking out for a fancy meal or bought perfume I just want to feel seen. For the burden of arranging it all not to fall on me. To be surprised for once with a nice "something" that I didn't have to organise. And no this isn't about showing off on social media, I don't have insta etc.


Last year I was disappointed on the day AGAIN so I really laid it out for him and communicated clearly what I wanted. He was so guilty and sad and felt so bad for letting me down. But despite me mentioning it every day for the past 2 weeks to remind him, here we are again with him admitting I don't even have a card and he "might make one in the morning with my son".



I just said "so I suppose nothing else again this year? " and he said no and I said "I'll lower my expectations again then" and went to bed. Now if he does scramble to produce something in the morning it might just make me feel worse almost? Because I had to demand it? I just want him to think about my feelings without me having to force it.



Some mums get fucking spa days. Some get giant bouquets. Some get balloons and teddies and lie ins and breakfast in bed. All I want is for someone to even remember what day it is without me reminding them, and a card I didn't have to guilt someone into making/buying. My son is only 6 so he isn't going to spontaneously do it.



I won't hold this against him but tonight I feel sad and wanted to speak it into the void. Maybe it shouldn't matter but it does to me.