So I have a history with running away and overdosing and this time I ended up in a hospital quite far from home. I had a blood test when I came in and whenever I asked for the results someone would be like ‘let me go and check’ and never return. I asked what was in the drip since I couldn’t remember what exactly it was from my last few experiences and my parents wanted to be informed on everything.

In the next couple of days the doctors were noticing my pulse was weird. Like my pulse always fluctuates just at resting. It will jump from 80 to like 157 in a couple of seconds. And it will just repeat like this. (After having my OB’s done so many times you would think that they would have noticed before? I just presumed it was normal because of that) So they made me have an ECG. Nobody told me the results of that. Or the blood test I had at the same time.

I got called over today and just dragged to an MRI. I didn’t know I was having one. I didn’t know what it was for. I only found out they were scanning my head once I got there. I still don’t know what they were looking for. They also were very surprised to see I could walk? Maybe that’s just because of the mass I overdosed on and the short period of time it’s been but I don’t know.

I asked again what my results were for my second blood test and my ECG. They said they were ‘weird’ so they need to do some more blood tests. Like what the hell does that mean? So I asked to clarify and and he said that they are just were weird and that they needed to check it again. Like that’s literally what you said before but with more words! So they took like 10 vile’s of my blood then and still didn’t tell me what was going on.

I’m already super paranoid about hospitals in general and then this ones being really shady. Like I got extra paranoid because I was hallucinating last night and I ended up pulling out my own cannula. And I have a one to one that somehow didn’t realise.

The MRI keeps making me think they’re trying to read my mind again and I can’t fucking be here any more. I need someone to explain what’s happening or I’m just going to freak out.